So Much Left Undone
by piratewench78
Summary: What if, instead of waiting for Maddie to uncover the secret of her paternity, Rayna decided to do it herself? Season 1 AU story.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I've written several "when Deacon found out about Maddie" stories – from him finding out when Rayna went to the cabin to tell him she was pregnant to six weeks after Maddie was born to when she was seven – as have others. But I was rewatching some of season one and was struck by how conflicted Rayna was when she got back together with Deacon and how she alternately pushed him away and pulled him back. And then the pressure from Teddy and Tandy to keep the secret. So I thought "what if she just swallowed her fear and told him the truth then?" That's what this story is about.**_

Liam walked Rayna to her limo and kissed her on the cheek. "See you at the airport, first thing in the morning?" he asked.

She nodded. "Good night," she said. If he noticed anything different about her, he didn't act like it. He waited until she was in the car and then he closed the door. He lifted his hand in a wave and she waved back. The car pulled away and she was alone with her thoughts.

The exchange with Deacon had ended awkwardly, with Liam showing up just as Deacon had told her he wasn't over her. She hadn't known quite what to say and Liam had kind of saved her. Deacon didn't have to tell her he still wanted her – she'd known that for the last fourteen years. She had pushed down her own feelings for all those years, until that night at the Bluebird, when it all kind of came out in that song.

She knew, deep down inside, that she loved Deacon, but she'd decided so long ago that she couldn't open herself up to that kind of pain again. Even if he was sober, all these years, he was still an alcoholic. Coleman had told her a million times that he was always just one disappointment or heartbreak away from taking a drink. And then another, and another. She couldn't do that to him, to herself. But standing there, listening to him tell her that the "thing" between them was still there – well, she knew he was right. Her heart was beating so hard she was surprised he couldn't see it. For a moment she'd felt like she couldn't breathe and then Liam came up and Deacon turned to look at him and it had given her that couple of seconds to recover.

She reminded herself, yet again, as the limo glided through the empty streets of Nashville, that she couldn't do this to herself again. It was a risk, going back to Deacon, one she'd decided already she wasn't willing to take. There was always the chance he could disappoint her and, if it happened one more time, she just knew it would be the death of her.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to think about white sand and blue ocean and the warmth of the sun and the hotness that was Liam McGuiness.

* * *

She was standing in the guest bedroom at Tandy's townhouse. Tandy was asleep, so she tried to be quiet. Her suitcase was open on her bed and she was sorting through the clothes she had with her, looking for something to take to St. Lucia. She decided she could buy what she didn't have and that she probably wouldn't have the need for many clothes, anyway. She shivered as that thought ran through her head. She rolled her eyes. _I'm just nervous. It's been a long time since I've done anything like this._ Of course, she really had _never_ done anything quite like this.

Then Deacon's face popped into her head. The way he'd looked at her, just before she left. She swallowed hard. Her heart hurt. She stopped what she was doing and sat on the bed. _Why am I doing this?_ She felt like she was going to cry and so she started breathing in and out, slowly. _Why am I doing this?_

She got up from the bed and threw everything into her suitcase and snapped it shut. She grabbed up her purse and pulled out the handle on her suitcase and headed for her car.

* * *

The last thing she did before she got out of her car was to send a text that she knew would not be well-received. Her album was only half finished and this could be career suicide. But she had finally decided to follow her heart and her heart led her to this unassuming stone bungalow on a quiet street in East Nashville. She stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the house. A light was glowing yellow in the living room window. She'd lived in this house once and it still held a special place in her heart.

She wrestled with her thoughts, wondering if she was doing the right thing. But she'd already made one choice, now it was time to make the other choice. The one her heart was telling her it was time to make. So she walked up the steps, hoping that when she'd seen his girlfriend stalk off, before he confessed his feelings to her, that was the end of that. It occurred to her that she could end up looking very foolish in just a few minutes, but she thought it was a risk worth taking.

And so she'd stood at that door and looked up into that face that she'd loved for more than half her life and told him she loved him, that she'd never not loved him. For a minute she thought he was going to let her leave, but he called her back and she flew into his arms.

* * *

The moon wasn't quite full, but it was a clear night and its position in the sky meant that there was a bright silvery light in Deacon's bedroom, light enough that they could see each other's faces. He lay facing her, running his hand over her hair, with a look on his face that said he couldn't quite believe she was really there. He touched her lips with his thumb. "I feel like I'm dreaming," he said.

She smiled at him. "I feel like I'm dreaming too," she responded. "But it's real. _We're_ real."

"I never gave up hope, Ray. But I was starting to think maybe…."

She shook her head. "I think it was meant to happen. I just don't think we knew the time or place."

"What changed?"

She leaned in and kissed him gently. "You," she said with a tiny smile. "You were right. When you said this thing between us was always there. I think I knew it the night we sang at the Bluebird, but, you know, things were different then."

He frowned slightly. "Teddy."

She nodded. "Yeah. And me too. I was trying so hard to not feel all those things. Because there'd always been all that pain. But you've changed. I can see it."

He smiled and then leaned in to kiss her. "I done it for you, Ray. I'll always do it for you."

She reached her hand up and ran it through his hair, looking intently into his eyes. She bit her lip and then he moved his hand to her waist, pulling her in close, covering her mouth with his. The night was not yet over.

* * *

The phone calls the next morning, about the CMA's, kind of broke the moment, so Deacon and Rayna got out of bed and he headed to the kitchen to make good on his promise of breakfast. She smiled coyly at him, as he walked out of the room, and went to the closet to look for a shirt she could wear. She smiled at all the plaid shirts on hangers and plucked one out and put it on. She was getting ready to close the closet door when something on the closet shelf caught her eye.

She felt a lump in her throat as she reached up and pulled down a very old straw hat, with a red and white bandana tied around it. She breathed out. It was the hat he'd bought her on their trip to Mexico, back just after she'd gotten her record deal. They'd been out on the west coast, doing a show in San Diego, and had a couple free days. They'd rented a car and driven down to a little beach town about fifty miles down the coast. They'd stayed in a little beachside motel, very bare bones, with sheets that felt like sandpaper, and a rattling window air conditioning unit. They'd written 'Postcard from Mexico' there. She hadn't realized she'd left this hat behind when she left for the last time or that he'd kept it all these years.

She sighed and put it back where she'd found it and then headed out for the kitchen.

* * *

After they'd eaten surprisingly good eggs – "you can cook!" she'd said, laughing with surprise – they curled up together on his couch. She sighed happily, then looked at him with a smile. "Will you sing for me?" she asked.

He kissed her, his lips lingering for just a second. "Sure," he said, with a smile. "What do you want to hear?"

She shrugged. "Something you wrote. Something maybe I haven't heard."

He winked. "You know everything I write is about you," he said.

She smiled at him and rubbed his arm. "I know."

He reached for his guitar and sat back against the couch, thinking for a moment about what he wanted to play. He bit his lip and when he looked at her, she thought his eyes had a touch of sadness in them.

 _Her hat is hanging by the door / The one she bought in Mexico / It blocked the wind, it stopped the rain / She'd never leave that one / So, she can't be really gone_

 _The shoes she bought on Christmas Eve / She laughed and said they called her name / It's like they're waiting in the hall / For her to slip them on / So, she can't be really gone_

 _I don't know when she'll come back / She must intend to come back / I've seen the error of my ways / Don't waste the tears on me / What more proof do you need / Just look around the room / So much of her remains_

 _Her book is lying on the bed / The two of hearts to mark her page / Now who could ever walk away at chapter 21 / So, she can't be really gone_

 _Just look around this room / So much of her remains_

 _Her book is lying on the bed / The two of hearts to mark her page / Now who could ever walk away / With so much left undone / So, she can't be really gone / No, she can't be really gone_

When he finished, he took a deep breath and looked over at her. Her eyes were a little shiny and a lot sad. He gave her a small smile. "I didn't mean to make you cry, Ray," he said.

She shook her head. "That was really nice," she said softly. "When did you write it?"

He looked away and ran his hand over his mouth, breathing in. "After you moved out. That last time. 'Cept you took everything." Then he looked back at her, pain in his eyes.

She rested her head on his shoulder and then turned it up to look at him. "Except that I left my hat here," she said quietly. He just looked at her. "I found it. In your closet." He looked away again. "I guess I forgot to take that."

He shook his head and looked back at her. "It was in the back of the closet. I actually didn't find it right away." He gave her a quick smile. "But it's true. You did intend to come back. Just took a while."

She smiled and then leaned in to kiss him. "I think you must be right." She lightly bit her lip. "This just feels right, Deacon. Like we've got it all worked out now."

He nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "I can be the man you need me to be now, Ray. I just want you to know that."

She smiled and kissed him. "I do know that." She sat up then. "I need to get home now, though. I've got the girls starting today, and I've got a lot to do before they get home this afternoon. Plus I need to meet Bucky at Sound Check." She gave him a teasing look. "That's what he was calling about. Well, that and to congratulate me."

He reached for her hand and ran his thumb over the back of it. "Maybe I'll see you there," he said. She raised her eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "Rehearsal. No rest for Juliette's band."

She laughed, then walked into his bedroom to dress. When she came back out, he was waiting for her and she put her hands on his face, drawing him in for a long kiss. Then she smiled and looked into his eyes. "I loved this. And I love you," she said, her voice low and soft.

He smiled back, putting his hands around her waist. "Me too," he said. "See you tonight?"

She screwed up her face. "I've got the girls, so I don't know. I don't want to surprise them the way Teddy did." Then she smiled. "We'll figure something out though."

* * *

It was as she was driving home that Rayna finally really thought about the implications of her relationship with Deacon. Could she protect the secret about Maddie? Was it wise to do so? In the heat of the passion, it was easy to forget anything except for her and Deacon and being together again…finally. But, as she told Tandy, in the cold light of day, she knew this was all so much more complicated than she'd ever considered.

"You're playing with fire, Rayna," Tandy said. "Have you thought about how you're going to handle all this?"

Rayna sighed. "Not really. I guess I just sort of didn't consider it at all, actually. I got caught up in the moment."

Tandy shook her head. "You've always led with your heart. And that's what gets you in trouble. It's why you ended up pregnant in the first place." She could see that Rayna wanted to protest, so she held up her hand. "Just listen to me a minute. I know you're gonna do whatever you're gonna do, but just think about the implications." Then her voice softened. "This is a really big deal, sweetheart. If you decide to continue this 'relationship' with Deacon, you have to consider the fallout. What about Maddie? Are you going to tell him? Are you going to tell _her_? After all this time? And what about Teddy?" She put her hand on her sister's. "Just think about it, babe."

Rayna took a deep breath, then looked away. "I know," she said. "I've got a lot to think about. How to handle things." She sighed and looked back at Tandy. "Maybe I should never have done this in the first place."

Tandy raised her eyebrows. "Well, you've opened that can of worms already, so it's a little late for that regret." She waved off Rayna as she saw her open her mouth to respond. "Look, I'm late for a meeting, so we'll talk later, okay?"

"Oh, okay," Rayna said, as she watched her sister fly out of the house. She hadn't had a chance to correct her sister's misinterpretation of what she'd said. She'd have to do that later, she supposed. What she was really thinking was that she probably shouldn't have agreed to keep Maddie a secret from Deacon at all.

 _ **The song I used in this chapter is called "Can't Be Really Gone", by Tim McGraw. I heard the songwriter, Gary Burr, do this song the other night at the Bluebird and I was struck by the very first line, making reference to a hat from Mexico. As I listened to the words, I thought that it could have been a song Deacon wrote for Rayna, during that time that every song was about her, and so I decided to use it.**_


	2. Chapter 2

As Rayna and Tandy headed for the Edgehill nomination party on the riverboat, Rayna stared out the window of the limo as Tandy talked business non-stop on her cell phone, even at this late hour. She felt anxiety in the pit of her stomach. All she'd been able to think about, since Tandy had left that morning, was what she was going to do about this situation she was in.

She had thought, at first, that maybe she could put the brakes on a little. Still have this relationship with Deacon, but take it slow, giving her a chance to figure out how to proceed. But then she'd seen him at Sound Check, and she hadn't been able to resist him. She'd half-heartedly tried to use the girls as the cushion, but he wouldn't let that be a roadblock, telling her that it was just what he wanted. And then he'd kissed her in that way that took her breath away and he'd run his hand down the back of her leg, then pushed up her dress. She had moaned in the back of her throat as he'd slid his hand up her bare leg and tantalized her by brushing his thumb between her legs.

Even as she thought about it, riding in the limo, she felt her face get hot and she crossed and uncrossed her legs. She wasn't at all sure it was possible for her to resist Deacon Claybourne.

Tandy ended her call and tucked her phone into her clutch bag. Then she turned to Rayna. "I'm assuming you'll see Deacon here tonight," she said.

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Yes, Tandy, I'm sure I will. He's in Juliette's band and she's singing here tonight too."

"I think you need to really consider this all very carefully. Rayna, I'm just not sure you can do this."

Rayna frowned. "You're as bad as Teddy. Neither one of you think I can manage everything. But haven't I done that since the day Maddie was born?"

"You weren't thinking about seeing him again either, sweetheart. I just don't know if it's a good idea for you to get involved with him again." Tandy gave her sister a look of concern.

Rayna breathed in. "Well, it's not really your decision now, is it?" She waved her hand at Tandy. "Just don't you worry about me. I'll manage everything like I always have."

She turned and looked back out the window. Despite what she'd said to Tandy, her anxiety was ratcheting up. Especially after she'd told Teddy about Deacon. He'd pretty much threatened her not to say anything to Deacon and questioned her ability to keep Maddie's paternity a secret. Unfortunately, she knew that it probably was a very bad idea for her to keep seeing Deacon. He knew her better than anyone and he would know she was hiding something. It was one thing to keep that secret when he was just her bandleader, her friend. It was something else entirely to keep it from him if she intended to build a life with him again.

She really wanted to cry. As Tandy had said, she'd made the decision with her heart, when she was in a vulnerable place, and it had felt good and right to go to his house and pledge her love to him. But it wasn't like it was all those years ago, when it was just the two of them. Even without the complication of him being Maddie's father, and not knowing that, she had to think about her girls. It changed things. She sighed. _Why can't it just be easy? As easy as it felt like last night?_

Just then the limo pulled up to the riverboat and her door was being opened. It was showtime and, if nothing else, Rayna Jaymes knew how to put on her performance face for an audience.

* * *

She was so bad at this. She'd successfully avoided Deacon all night, but he'd caught her coming out of the dressing room and she didn't have any choice but to talk to him. And then she'd tried to deflect him, but she'd done a terrible job at that, just pissing him off in the process, and she'd watched him stalk off. Her heart was so not in it and she had found herself babbling about not being able to talk to him about why she didn't want to talk to him and it was all just such a mess. Teddy and Tandy were right – it had been a big mistake to get involved with Deacon again. And yet she really didn't want it to end.

She looked around for him, even asked Scarlett if she'd seen him. He'd definitely been serious about quitting Juliette's band, because there was some other guitar player up on stage with her. She didn't have time to really look for him though, because she had to go on stage after Juliette.

When she was out on stage, she focused on her performance and on the crowd, and she was able to get through it without a problem. But as soon as she got off the stage, she felt like a mess. _Where is Deacon? Have I screwed this up already?_ She found Tandy at the bar. "I'm ready to go," she said to her sister.

"Really? Okay, well, give me one second to send a text, okay?"

Rayna was distracted, looking around the room for Deacon. "Sure."

Tandy narrowed her eyes. "Are you okay? Did you see Deacon?"

Rayna looked back at her. "Yeah, we talked." She made a face. "And it was not good. Not good at all."

Tandy gave her an 'I told you so' look and then sent her text. She waited a moment for the response and then she linked her arm through Rayna's. "Let's go," she said.

* * *

It was after 3 AM when the cab dropped Deacon off at the riverboat, to pick up his truck, and then sped off into the night. The streets were empty, the traffic signals on blink, as they drove down West End and eventually into Belle Meade. Rayna looked out the window, hoping that the cab driver with broken English was not a country music fan and didn't know who she was. She thought about Deacon's words, when he'd commandeered her limo as it left the riverboat. _I don't know what you're hiding or what it is you're afraid to tell me, but it doesn't matter. You can tell me everything or you can tell me nothing at all._ She wondered if that were really true. If he knew what she'd been hiding, what she was afraid to tell him, would he still tell her it didn't matter?

She'd told Tandy he could read her like a book and that was true. Now all she could think about was that she'd never told him about Maddie. And every time he mentioned having a family together or living like a family, it was like a knife to her heart. Would he really understand? Would he really be able to overcome it? She was sure he'd be angry. Hurt. Would he ever be able to trust her again?

Being with him, though, had felt so good, so right. He was her soul mate, her true love. She'd loved him for as long as she could remember, even when he made it hard, even through the hell their lives had become. She'd never stopped loving him. That was the truth. It had torn her apart to have made the decision she had and then to watch him finally make sobriety work. She kept wondering if she'd given up too soon. Coleman had told her that letting him go was the only way for him to get better, that if she didn't he'd never learn to stand on his own.

 _You can't tell me you don't love me, 'cause that's one thing I'll never believe._ He was right about that. She'd have to figure this all out somehow, because he was right – she loved him. She couldn't walk away from him again. She _wouldn't_ walk away from him again. She'd told him that just a few hours ago, as they had their hands all over each other, their lips everywhere. But she did wonder if she could keep doing what she'd been doing and not tell him about Maddie.

She had wanted to tell him, so many times. As each year passed, the desire to tell him was there. But then she'd look at their daughter and how happy she was, how connected she was to Teddy, what a good father Teddy had been, and she'd lose her nerve. Once Daphne had arrived, she'd felt like the opportunity was lost and that's when she finally had begun to let go of the idea that Deacon would ever be a real father to Maddie.

She probably should have gone to St. Lucia, because she knew now that she couldn't walk away from him. She didn't want to. She wanted him, needed him, and she'd have to figure out how to navigate this situation.

* * *

Deacon went out on the road with her the next four weeks, as they wrapped up the pre-CMA leg of the tour. The only person who knew he was with her was Bucky. She'd felt so much more relaxed, being away from home and the constant reminders of what she couldn't tell him.

As she came off the stage in Baltimore, Bucky was waiting for her. "Another awesome show, Rayna," he said, with a big grin.

Rayna smiled, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Buck. It felt good tonight out there. The crowd was amazing."

Bucky waved his phone. "So I heard from Liam," he said.

Rayna stopped walking and Bucky turned back to face her. "Really?" She took a deep breath. "What did he say?"

"Just that he'll be back in Nashville before the holidays and that he can give you five studio days to complete the album."

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Five? Are you kidding me? I have half an album to finish and I sure as hell can't do it in five days. I don't even have all the songs."

Bucky shrugged. "I tried to negotiate some extra time, but he was firm. In fact, his initial response to my request was to cut it to three."

Rayna stood with her hands on her hips. "I thought he'd be a big boy about this, but apparently I was wrong."

Bucky gave her a sly smile. "Well, the good news is that you have a co-writer to work with…."

Rayna blushed. "Maybe." She started down the hall and Bucky trailed after her. "I need to sit down and relax. I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal." She had reached her dressing room and put her hand on the knob.

"Have a good night," Bucky called out, smiling to himself.

Rayna slid in the room and closed the door behind her. She leaned against it, her hands behind her back, a wicked smile on her face. She reached for the door lock and turned it. "Can a girl get a shoulder massage?" she purred.

Deacon was already on his feet and crossed the room to stand in front of her. He reached for her waist, pulling her in close. He leaned in and kissed her gently. Then he looked into her eyes, his lips still against hers. "I can give you more than just a shoulder massage," he said suggestively.

She put her arms around his neck and smiled, her fingers sliding through the hair on the nape of his neck. "That sounds like just what I need," she whispered. She slid away from him and walked towards the couch, unbuttoning her blouse and then slipping it off, dropping it on the floor. Deacon chuckled and followed her.

* * *

This leg of the tour would be over in a week. They were in Richmond and had shows left in Roanoke, Raleigh, and Charlotte. Then they would be home in Nashville until after the CMA's. Rayna had a whole day of artists to listen to when she got back home, to add to her Highway 65 imprint label along with Scarlett. She was really looking forward to that. She and Bucky had received some great demos. But right now, she was just happy to be in her suite with Deacon by her side.

He was kissing her, in that way he had that made her tingle all the way down to her toes. She was running her hands over his chest and his arms, loving the way his skin felt under her fingertips. He rolled her over on her back and then pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'll be glad to get home," he said. "All this sneaking around business is hard work."

She looked up at him and ran her fingers through his hair, but he had a smirk on his face, so she knew he wasn't complaining. She smiled. "I like having my own little secret admirer waiting for me." She lifted her leg and ran it slowly down the back of his. She looked at him seriously. "Will you play on stage with me at the CMA's?"

He smiled and kissed her. "You know I will. Whatever you need me to do, Ray, I'll do it." He chuckled. "Including being your secret admirer."

She ran her hand over his cheek and looked into his eyes searchingly. "Was this worth waiting for, babe? All those years?" she asked.

"You know it was," he said. He kissed her. "I love you, Ray."

She smiled. "I know. I love you too." She pulled him close and kissed him, then let her hands move down his arms and then over his back, letting him know she was ready for him. He groaned deep in his throat and let her know he was ready as well.

* * *

The last stop before the CMA break was in Charlotte. Rayna woke up that morning practically laying on top of Deacon. She gently kissed him on the chest and he stirred, his eyes opening slowly. Then he smiled at her, moving his hand to rub her shoulder. "Mornin'," he said, his voice gravelly with sleep.

She rested her chin on his chest. "Good morning to you. One more night and we're back to Nashville."

"I'm ready. You know, this has been real nice and all, but I'm ready to get back to real life. I'm starting to feel like one of those vampires on that show your girls like."

She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry, babe. But I don't want to hurt the girls like Teddy did."

He ran his hand over her hair. "I know, baby. I'm not complaining. I'm just ready for us to be able to be together, even with them."

She smiled and then laid her head on his chest. She felt a pit in her stomach. This anxiety had been growing inside her for the last week and a half, as they got closer and closer to getting back home. She had some big decisions to make and she still hadn't figured out exactly what she was going to do. One thing she was sure of, though, was that she didn't want to walk away from Deacon. She could feel his heart beating and she knew she didn't want to break it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: In rewatching episode 20, there were too many events all happening in one day, so I've spaced things out to add an extra day leading up to the CMA's.**_

The bus pulled into the parking lot at Sound Check around noon. Ever since Deacon had been traveling with her, Rayna had gone back to using her bus, rather than hitching a ride on Juliette's plane. It would have been awkward, having Deacon along, even if she hadn't wanted to keep the relationship private for the time being.

Deacon pulled Rayna into his arms. "How 'bout you come over for a little play time before you go home," he said, with a smile. He brushed his lips against hers.

She laughed softly. "As much as I'd love to, I need to get home. The girls will be getting home from school soon." She ran her hands up his back and then leaned in for a kiss. "Besides, you're still coming over for dinner, right?"

He peppered her face with kisses. "Oh, I wouldn't miss that for the world. A nice home-cooked meal and the three ladies I love most in the world? Who wouldn't want that?"

She laughed and smacked him on the arm. "I know I'm not as good a cook as you are, so I hope you aren't too disappointed," she said playfully.

He grinned. "It's the company I'm coming for." He brushed her cheek with his thumb. "So, can I bring anything?"

"You could bring dessert."

"I'll whip up something with my excellent cooking skills," he said teasingly. Then he kissed her, pulling her in close. "I love you, baby," he whispered against her lips.

"I love you too, babe," she said. She stepped back, out of his embrace. "So, six-thirty-ish?" she said.

"I'll be there," he replied.

She turned and headed for the front of the bus. She looked back at him as she was headed down the stairs and waved, then hurried over to her car.

* * *

The girls were excited that Deacon was coming for dinner and Rayna felt more relaxed, both knowing they were okay with it and the fact that it would be at her house, where interested eyes wouldn't see what was going on. They were hanging out in the kitchen, prepping dinner and getting the table set. Rayna was happy that the housekeeper had made a tray of lasagna and put it in the fridge. Deacon didn't need to know she hadn't made it herself.

"I'm so glad Deacon's coming for dinner," Daphne said, a huge smile on her face.

Rayna smiled back. "You are?"

Daphne nodded. "It's been sooo long since we've seen him. I really miss him."

"Yeah, Mom," Maddie said. "Now that he's not in your band, we never see him. He could help me with my guitar now. But since he's in Juliette's band…."

Rayna raised her eyebrows. "Well, actually he's not anymore. He quit a few weeks ago."

"Really?" Maddie smiled. "You should get him back in your band now!"

Rayna smiled. "I'll have to think about that, won't I?" she said.

Just then there was a knock on the back door and Daphne went flying to answer it. "I'll get it!" she cried. She opened the door and grabbed Deacon's hand, pulling him into the kitchen. "Look! It's Deacon!"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Who else would it be, silly? I mean, we knew he was coming for dinner."

Daphne made a face. "Well, we haven't seen him in a while. It doesn't hurt to get excited."

Deacon smiled at Rayna and then looked back at the girls. "I appreciate the excitement, Daphne. I've missed y'all."

"We missed you too!" Daphne said, excitedly.

Deacon put a box on the kitchen island. "What's that?" Rayna asked, with a grin.

"It's a pie. I made it myself," he said, with a quick grin.

Rayna laughed. "And then put it in a Publix pie box, I see."

Deacon smirked. "You make fun of my pie, you may not get any." He looked around the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

"Actually you can take these people" – she motioned at the girls with her knife – "in the other room and keep them occupied while I get dinner done."

"That I can do."

"Will you sing with us?" Daphne asked, as she pulled him into the den.

"I'd be honored to," he said. "I heard y'all sing 'Ho Hey' and you blew me away."

The girls sat on the loveseat and Deacon sat in the chair across from them. Maddie gave him a sad look. "Maybe you should play the guitar. I'm not that good," she said.

"Are you kidding me?" Deacon said. "You're better than a lot of the session musicians I've heard."

Maddie beamed. "Really?"

Deacon grinned and nodded. "Really." He turned to give Rayna a quick smile and then the three of them began to sing 'Ho Hey', Deacon following Maddie's lead on the guitar.

Rayna took a deep breath. As she watched Deacon and her girls enjoy spending time together she felt a little like she was glimpsing into the future a bit and that gave her a warm feeling. She started to relax a little and enjoy the moment.

* * *

Teddy ended up putting a real damper on the evening, at least initially. His unexpected drop in and the argument they had left a sour taste in Rayna's mouth. She stood watching Teddy leave and, for a brief moment, wondered what it might be like to just turn around and tell Deacon the truth. But when he walked up behind her to make sure she was okay, she swallowed hard and said she was. That wasn't true, though. She sighed deeply and shook her head. "No," she said.

Deacon frowned. "What's going on?"

She looked at him for a moment, wondering what to do, what to say. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples for a second. Then she looked back at Deacon and gave him a small smile. "Just Teddy being Teddy, you know?" she said finally.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Mom! The lasagna's ready," Maddie said, walking up behind Deacon.

Rayna smiled at her daughter, thankful for the interruption. This was neither the time nor the place for that heavier conversation. "Thanks, baby. We're coming out right now," she said, and then she brushed past Deacon, back into the kitchen, him following behind her.

* * *

The mood lightened considerably during dinner, with everyone enjoying the food as well as the company. Daphne was the one who revealed that the housekeeper had made the lasagna after all and Deacon had good-naturedly teased Rayna about it, telling the girls stories of her cooking failures over the years. Rayna watched again the ease Deacon had with her daughters and how much they all enjoyed being together. It wasn't the first time that she'd watched Deacon and Maddie together and wondered what if she'd told him about his daughter long ago, but it had been a while since she really considered the consequences of that action. She thought it was probably Teddy's visit that had disturbed the vibe of the evening and she was determined to get it back on track.

When the girls went off to do their homework, Deacon followed Rayna into the kitchen as she cleaned up. He came up behind her and rubbed her arms, leaning in to kiss her on the neck. She smiled at first, then turned and gently pushed him back. She glanced towards the stairs that led to the girls' rooms. "We probably shouldn't be doing that," she whispered.

Deacon looked confused. "I thought that was the point of doing this." He gestured back and forth between them.

"This was to get them used to you being here. The next step is for them to know we're together."

He took her hand. "So, how about you be my date to the CMA's? Is that a good next step?" He smiled.

She gave him a coy look. "I would be happy to be your date," she said, with a smile. "But let me be the one to tell the girls."

Deacon nodded. Then his look turned serious. "You wanna talk about what happened when Teddy showed up?" he asked.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Why don't we sit down?" She led the way to the den and they sat next to each other on the couch, not quite touching. She rubbed her hand over her leg, then looked up at him. "You know, it was Teddy getting all puffed up, or something. He's never really been comfortable with you being around."

He frowned. "Is that gonna be a problem? For us?"

She shook her head. "No, of course not. He'll just have to get over it. We're getting a divorce. And he has his little girlfriend."

He looked at her carefully. "That's really all it is?" His tone implied he wasn't sure it was.

She made a face. "Yeah. That's all it is." She frowned. "What else could it be?"

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Just seems like it was more than just he didn't like me being here. Like there was more of a reason than that." She looked away. He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "It's okay."

She looked back at him. "You should probably go home," she said.

He frowned at her. "What?"

"You're just here for dinner. If you stay longer, then I have to explain something to the girls." She put her hand on his arm and smiled. "Just for a couple days."

He smiled at her. "A couple days. I guess I can live with that." He stood up and she did as well. He walked towards the back door and then turned back to face her. He reached for her hands, then looked behind her. He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. "No one was looking," he said teasingly.

She squeezed his hands, then he turned and headed for the door as she followed him. He opened the door and she put her hand on his arm, looking up at him. "I love you, babe," she said.

He smiled. "I love you too." Then he walked to his truck.

As she watched him she thought about how close she'd been to just telling him the truth. Teddy was making her angry with his threats. She knew he was scared. Truthfully, he'd always been scared that she'd want to tell Deacon. She knew he loved Maddie as if she were his own, and she'd always appreciated that, but now he was afraid he'd lose her. She found herself considering, though, whether Teddy's fear was more important than Deacon's right to know.

* * *

Rayna hadn't been able to shake her annoyance with Teddy and his insinuations and snide remarks about Deacon. _Emotional affair indeed._ That was just ridiculous. She'd worked hard at getting over those feelings for Deacon and keeping the relationship platonic all those years. Even though she knew he still harbored all those feelings for her, even though she saw the looks of longing from him, even though she knew it was killing him inside. She stayed the course.

Well, until that night at the Bluebird and then the fundraiser appearance at the country club. The fight they'd had afterwards had felt every bit as painful as every break-up they'd ever had. _Which us, Ray? Which us?_ She knew then that it wasn't over with them, probably never had been, really. But she had always kept reminding herself of the painful times in their life together – the times he disappointed her, the times he failed her – and she used those memories to keep from letting him in.

But now she had. She hadn't really thought through all of that when she'd decided to ditch Liam and go to Deacon's house. She was free and he was too, sort of, and she'd watched him be strong in his sobriety for over thirteen years. She kept telling him she wanted to do right by him, and that meant not hanging on to him, letting go. But neither of them could really let go, it turned out.

She loved him, had always loved him. She knew she was in a tough spot, but she truthfully had never thought about when a good time would be to tell Deacon about Maddie. She did know that the longer it went on, the tougher it would be, for all of them. Could she really just let things ride as they were? Was that smart? Or even possible?

But Teddy was pissing her off. If he didn't stop leaning on her, she might just decide to tell Deacon after all. She pulled into the parking lot at Sound Check and got out of her car, putting all of this drama out of her mind so she could concentrate on the ten artists she and Bucky would be listening to that day.

* * *

Rayna was seething. It was bad enough that Teddy had served her with that ridiculous restraining order. Then, when she went to his office to confront him on it, he blathered on about "protecting his children" and growing a pair. Now she was headed to CMA practice and she could hardly contain her anger. But she had to calm down before she got there. She didn't want to let it interfere with the rehearsal.

Her head was still spinning though. While she didn't really want to hurt his relationship with Maddie, she reminded herself that Maddie was _her_ daughter, and that maybe what was in her best interests back when she was born wasn't what was in her best interests today.

As she pulled into the Bridgestone lot, she willed herself to calm down. She sat in her car with her eyes closed, breathing deeply. Then, just as her heartbeat slowed back to normal, a sharp rap on the window startled her.

It was Deacon.

* * *

They walked out of the arena together after rehearsal was over, close but not quiet touching. "You okay, baby?" Deacon asked, frowning slightly. "You seem kind of quiet."

Rayna stopped and he did too. She looked up at him and sighed. "Teddy served me with a restraining order today…to keep you a hundred feet away from the girls," she said.

"Are you kidding me? What's that about?" He looked confused.

She shrugged. "I think he's scared, lashing out, crazy. And he's the mayor, so he thinks he has some clout and he's gonna use it. But I'm gonna fix this though."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then took her hand. "Doesn't mean I can't see _you_ , though, right?"

She smiled. "Right." She reached up and touched his face. "You know what? I love you."

He leaned in and kissed her. "I love you too."

She screwed up her face. "I'm gonna do something I never thought I'd ever do in my life," she said.

"What's that?"

"I'm gonna ask Daddy for a favor."

Deacon looked surprised. "You sure you wanna do that?"

"I don't want to, but I need to. I can't have Teddy doing this kind of thing. I need to take control of this, so we can all move forward."

He smiled at her and nodded. "Then do it."

* * *

Rayna drove straight from the Bridgestone to Lamar Wyatt's home. In the aftermath of his heart attack, her relationship with her father had softened. They each made tentative, but positive steps toward some sort of a reconciliation. Even still, she'd been hesitant to ask for the favor, but had been touched with how readily he'd agreed, despite it being about Deacon. When she left, he was already on the phone to a judge he knew.

She felt encouraged as she drove home and by the time she got there, she'd already gotten a call that an emergency hearing had been scheduled for the next day. So her mood had been lifted greatly as she walked in the door and found her girls eagerly waiting for her, ready for movie night.

When they paused the movie to make more popcorn, she decided to broach the subject of her and Deacon. They were all standing in the kitchen and she looked at them and smiled. "So, girls, I wanted to tell you that, um, Deacon has asked me to be his date to the CMA's," she said, looking at them carefully. "What do y'all think about that?"

Daphne tipped her head to the side slightly and then said, "I like Deacon. I'm good with it."

Rayna turned to Maddie. "What about you, sweet girl? What do you think?"

Maddie looked thoughtful. "You used to date him, didn't you? Before you married Dad?"

Rayna nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Maddie gave her a mischievous grin. "Have you always been in love with him?"

Rayna made a face. "I was married to your dad. I loved _him_. So no, I haven't always been in love with Deacon." She knew that wasn't true, but it certainly wasn't something her girls needed to know. Ever. "But, you know, we've been friends all this time and we always cared about each other. And we decided we'd like to try dating again. But only if y'all are okay with it."

"I like Deacon, too," Maddie said. "So, is that why he came over for dinner? Like a test date?"

Rayna laughed. "I guess. Sort of. So I guess he passes, then."

"Yes, he passes!" Daphne cried out and Maddie nodded happily.

Rayna felt a wave of relief flow through her. One hurdle crossed.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: I appreciate everyone who's reading and reviewing. It's great to know you're enjoying this version of events.**_

Rayna dressed carefully for the lunchtime meeting in the judge's chambers. As she stood in front of her mirror, brushing her hair, she gave herself a wry smile. The entire time she'd been married to Teddy it was as though she lived two lives. One life was her life as Rayna Jaymes, country music star, with her edgy outfits and statement jewelry and rhinestones and denim. That had been her whole life for all those years she'd been with Deacon, when she'd been free to be herself a hundred percent of the time.

But then there was her life as Teddy Conrad's wife and Maddie and Daphne's mama. Teddy was a businessman and, when she attended dinners or events with him, she needed a more conservative wardrobe. As a mom to school-age children, she needed a mom-friendly look. And so her closet seemed to be divided between her performance wardrobe and her non-performance wardrobe. On days like today, though, it was nice that she had the business suits and modest blouses and sensible pumps.

She leaned in towards the mirror and applied her lipstick, then added the diamond earrings that Deacon had bought her after she won her first Grammy. Her fingers lingered on the simple, but elegant solitaires. She wore them a lot when she wasn't on stage and they had always reminded her of him. She ran her hands over her skirt to smooth it down and then turned to walk out of the bedroom.

* * *

"Hey, babe," she said, with a smile, when Deacon answered his phone.

"Hey, yourself," he responded. "How'd it go?"

"Exactly as I thought it would. The judge dismissed the restraining order."

"How did Teddy take it?"

"Not well. He couldn't very well pitch a fit in front of the judge, though, because he is the mayor, after all." Rayna smiled to herself. "But he wouldn't speak to me afterwards and stalked off." She paused. "I feel like it's not the end of this, but at least the restraining order isn't an issue for now."

Deacon grinned. "So Lamar saved the day, huh? I bet he loves that."

"Yeah, well, I think he's really trying, you know? He really wanted to help." She cleared her throat. "So, I told the girls last night we were going to the CMA's together."

"Oh, really? And?"

"They were actually pretty excited. Maddie actually asked me if I'd always been in love with you."

He chuckled softly. "What did you tell her?"

"Well, I couldn't tell her the truth. But she was okay with it. Listen, I'm at my car, and I need to stop by Tandy's and then pick up the girls. I'll see you tonight at the Opry, won't I?"

"You bet. I'm bringing Scarlett."

"I'm so excited for her. Reminds me of the first time I played at the Opry."

Deacon smiled. "I remember that. If I remember right, you were so nervous you threw up."

Rayna laughed. "I don't really recall that. Anyway, I'll see you then. I love you."

"Love you too."

Rayna smiled to herself as she disconnected the call. She was looking forward to the Opry that night.

* * *

Rayna was pleased with how Scarlett's debut had gone. As nervous as she'd been about singing in front of the Opry crowd, Scarlett had gone out and performed like a veteran. The applause had been loud and genuine and Rayna had been thrilled as Scarlett ran off the stage into her arms. She was sure that Deacon being out on stage with her had calmed Scarlett's nerves and she appreciated him doing that. She'd been grateful though that Scarlett's old boyfriend had showed up and offered to take her home. That meant that she could follow Deacon to his house and spend a little time with him, which she did.

As they curled up together in his bed, she ran her fingers lightly over his chest. "I've really missed this," she said softly.

He kissed her forehead. "Me too." He sighed. "You know, I know you like being with your girls, but I gotta be honest. I'm looking forward to those weeks when you're not."

She looked up at him and grinned. "I am too, babe."

He tucked a finger under her chin and leaned down to kiss her. "You know what I really want, though?"

"What's that?" She smiled at him.

He took a deep breath. "I'm waiting for the day when we can all be a family together. You, me, and your girls. I think that's exactly what I been waiting for all these years. And it finally feels like it could happen. Like we finally got it figured out."

Her smile faded slightly and she swallowed over the lump in her throat. She turned her head away and snuggled closer to him. It was becoming very obvious to her that she wasn't going to be able to continue to keep her secret. She either needed to tell him or she needed to break up with him, neither of which felt like good choices. Either way, she'd be hurting him and possibly losing the only man she'd every truly loved.

As she lay in his arms, the thought crossed her mind that her whole life had been filled with lies and deceit. She'd always prided herself on escaping the Wyatt family clutches and building her own life as her own person, but she realized that she was really no better than anyone else in her family. She'd learned that lying and hiding the truth could make life easier, but at some point, it all came home to roost. And now that was happening to her.

* * *

She had no one to talk to about this. She obviously couldn't talk to Tandy about it. She'd never told any of the other women she considered to be friends about her deep dark secret. She couldn't start now. The person she would usually talk to about matters of this importance was the very person she needed to tell. _Deacon._

As she headed for home, she felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. She really didn't know what to do. If she decided it was time to tell Deacon about Maddie, Teddy would be furious. She knew they'd made an agreement all those years ago, before Maddie had even been born. And then she had made the commitment again that morning she'd held Maddie in her arms for the first time. She had cried later, not sure she'd made the right decision. Deacon was still in rehab when Maddie was born. It was the fifth time and, as it turned out, the last time. Somehow, then, he'd figured it out. And she had felt heartbroken that she hadn't waited.

Those first few years, as he stayed sober and he got stronger, she regretted her choice and she resented Teddy more and more for forcing her to do it. But eventually she'd stopped thinking about it every day, reminding herself that it had been her choice too, and so she'd figured out how to push the knowledge down so far inside her that she mostly forgot it was ever true. But it was, and now that Deacon was expressing his own regret that they'd never figured out how to make things work and have this family for themselves, she'd known she was at a crossroads.

She truly hadn't expected that thirteen years later she'd still be holding on to this secret.

* * *

Rayna came out of her dressing area into her bedroom, where Maddie and Daphne were sitting on the bed waiting for her. She smiled at them and held her hands out, slowly twirling around.

"Mom, you're beautiful!" Daphne cried, clapping happily.

"Oh, Mom, you look amazing," Maddie gushed. "I can't wait for Deacon to see you."

Rayna smiled happily. "Thank you, girls." She'd picked out a simple, but elegant black sheath gown, shoulderless, with a glitzy gold band around the neck. She wore her hair loose around her shoulders, since she'd be on stage performing early in the show. After her performance, she'd put the gown back on and have her hair styled.

"I wish we could go with you," Daphne said, pouting a little.

"Well, it's a late night, _and_ a school night, _and_ y'all need to get to bed at a reasonable time. Deacon and I are going to a party afterwards, so it'll be really late before I get home." She smiled at them. "I promise, when y'all are a little older, I'll take you with me."

"Can we at least stay up to watch the whole show?" Maddie asked.

"If you promise to go to bed right afterwards, I'll let Denise know it's okay."

Maddie looked at her with a dreamy look on her face. "I just know you're gonna win tonight," she said. Daphne nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Well, thank you for your confidence, but it's a very competitive category, so we'll just have to see."

Just then the stylist came out of the dressing area with a garment bag. "I have your performance outfit in here, Ms. Jaymes," she said.

"Including shoes?"

"In the bottom of the bag."

Rayna smiled. "Thanks, Sheila. I appreciate all this. And I'll see you as soon as the show starts so I can get changed." She watched as the young woman walked out with the garment bag to head to the Bridgestone. Just then the doorbell rang.

"It's Deacon!" Daphne shouted and dashed out of the room. Maddie hurried behind her.

Rayna smiled as she watched them go, then turned to look in the mirror one last time. She felt little butterflies in her stomach and she knew they were mostly because she and Deacon were going out for the first time in fourteen years as a couple. But there was still that leftover anxiety about what to do about the Maddie situation. She'd decided to wait to deal with that until after the CMA's. No sense spoiling this night.

"Mom!" Daphne called out. "He's waiting!"

"Okay, I'm coming," she said, picking up her clutch, as she headed for the foyer and her date.

* * *

The limo headed for downtown Nashville. There was a threat of rain, but the night was pleasant for early November. The girls had been excited to see Deacon and Rayna together. Maddie had raced up to her room to get her iPhone so she could take pictures of the two of them together. They finally left, a few minutes behind schedule. Rayna looked out the window as they passed all the condos on West End, turning her clutch over and over in her lap.

"Hey," Deacon said quietly. She turned to look at him and he was frowning slightly. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He held out his hand and she put hers in his, giving him a smile. "You're just real quiet."

She shrugged. "I guess it's just a little nervousness."

"About us?"

She squeezed his hand. "Maybe a little. Just that it's our first time in public and, well, you know, the tabloids ran all kinds of false stories about us after Teddy and I filed for divorce. I just don't want to put you in the middle of things, you know?"

He smiled. "You don't have to worry about me. It's all good." He leaned over and kissed her lightly, careful not to mess up her makeup. "Who cares what everyone thinks anyway, right?"

She nodded, giving him a little smile. "Yeah. You're right."

When they arrived at the Bridgestone red carpet line, she could feel the butterflies again. Just before the door opened, she turned to him. "You ready for this?"

He nodded. "Yep."

The door opened, and she turned back, putting on her best performance face and a smile, and stepped out of the limo, waving to the cheering crowd.

* * *

They didn't end up staying long at the party. Some things hadn't changed and Deacon still wasn't a fan of after-parties and, truthfully, she was just ready to get home. It had been her week with her girls and yet she'd felt like she hadn't spent much time at home with them. And even though they would both be asleep when she got there – or should be – she just wanted to be home. It had been a great night though, even though she hadn't won. They had survived the red carpet – posing for pictures and answering the questions about their renewed relationship – and her duet with Brad Paisley had been a hit. As they rode through the streets of Nashville, he had his arm around her and she leaned against his shoulder. It had felt good, being together that night. The limo dropped them off at Rayna's house. There was a light rain, so they ran towards the front door and stood on the porch.

As the limo drove away, Rayna turned to Deacon and grabbed his jacket lapel and pulled him towards her for a kiss. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her close. As their tongues battled each other, she moved her arms up to circle his neck and he wrapped his around her back. She finally pulled away and looked up at him, a little breathless. "I thought that went well," she said with a smile.

He grinned. "I thought so too. I almost felt like I needed some kind of button that said 'yes, we're back together', though." She laughed and he gave her a quick kiss. "Look, I know it's late, and the girls are here and all, so I'm gonna head home." He kissed her again. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

She ran her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. "Yeah, you will."

He moved his hands up to her arms, running them up and down. He bit his lip lightly. "You sleep good, okay?" She nodded. "I love you, Ray."

"I love you too, babe." He let her go and stepped back, just looking at her for a moment. Then he turned and hustled over to his truck.

She stood and watched as he got in and then as he drove down the drive and out onto the road. She hugged herself as she continued to stand there, even though he was gone from sight. She shivered just a little, partly from the coolness of the air, but mostly because she knew after tomorrow nothing would be quite the same again. Her mind was made up. She was going to go see Teddy the next day. It was time to make things right.

* * *

Rayna had slept poorly and it showed on her face. She did what she could to camouflage the circles under her eyes and the lack of freshness to her tone. She brushed her hair into a side ponytail and put on jeans with a turtleneck and a suede blazer. She checked herself out one last time in the mirror and then headed for the door.

She had a queasy feeling the whole way downtown to Teddy's office. He wasn't expecting her. She was sure that this was going to take him completely by surprise and she was also sure he would fight her on it. But she felt like she had the upper hand. In truth, she was more worried about talking to Deacon than she was talking to Teddy. Deacon would truly be the wild card in this.

When she got to Teddy's office, he did look surprised to see her but he also had that smile that wasn't quite genuine, the one that didn't quite make it to his eyes. "I saw that you went to the CMA's with Deacon last night," he said.

She nodded. "I did."

He shook his head ruefully. "You're making a big mistake, Rayna." He clenched his jaw. "Did he spend the night?"

She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Are you serious? Of course not. The girls were there last night. I would never do that. You know that."

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't know that. I don't know anything of the kind, Rayna. You've always gone and done whatever you wanted, without thinking about the consequences. And apparently you're going to go ahead with this relationship with him."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I told you, Teddy, that we were exploring that. You knew that."

"Well, I don't want him around the girls." He frowned. "I told you that before and I still mean it."

She sighed with irritation. "You know, I think you just don't want him around Maddie, is what that is. And I get it. You're scared. You think something's gonna change, something's gonna happen. I understand that."

"Well, yeah, Rayna. I don't know how you can manage to have a relationship with him without telling him about Maddie."

She looked off to the side and ran her tongue over her lips. "Um, that's just it. I think it is time to tell him about Maddie."

He took a step towards her, fury in his face. "You are out of your mind, Rayna. She's _my_ daughter."

She looked back at him, a steeliness in her gaze. "Teddy, she's _Deacon's_ daughter, and you know that. And you know why I did what I did, but it's time. It was gonna be time sometime and now is as good a time as any. I think it's time that I tell him that he's Maddie's father." She fidgeted with her hands. "I anticipate that he's going to be very angry about that, but I think I need to do it. So, I'm going to."

Teddy waved his hand at her and scowled. "No!" he shouted. "I won't allow it! It's my name on her birth certificate. _I'm_ her legal father."

Rayna frowned. "Teddy, you know as well as I do there's a paternity test that says you're not her biological father." She took a deep breath. This wasn't how she wanted this to go. She wasn't trying to hurt Teddy, she was trying to fix what was wrong. "Look, I'm really not doing this to hurt you. Or Maddie. But the truth is we should have done this a long time ago. It was wrong to keep this from them."

He turned and walked over to his desk, then turned back to face her. "I knew it! I knew I couldn't trust you around him. I should have put my foot down back when you wanted him to come back to your band. I knew that was a bad idea."

She shrugged. "It doesn't change anything, Teddy," she said. "Whether I'd done that or not, we still should have told him. At some point along the way."

He smiled a nasty smile. "You know this will probably destroy the two of you. I don't see how he'll be able to forgive you. Have you thought about that?" He raised his eyebrows.

She had definitely thought about that. She did not expect the conversation to go well, even though she was convinced it was one she needed to have. She only hoped that, once he knew everything, he would be able to understand why she'd done it and eventually make peace with it. "Actually yes, I have. And you're probably right," she said. She breathed out. "But Teddy, think about it. What if the roles were reversed? What if you were the one that was Maddie's father and you didn't know it. You didn't know someone else had raised your child. How would you feel, once you did find out? And you know it will happen one day. It just might not be in a way we could control. This way it is."

Teddy shook his head. "I think this is a huge mistake, Rayna. I'm betting it'll be enough to send him off the deep end. He'll go off and get drunk and where will you be then? Where will Maddie be then?" He shook his head again. "I realize I can't control what you do, but just know I will fight you on custody."

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Teddy. I promise you that I will do everything I can to protect your relationship with Maddie. You've been a great father to her and you'll still be her father. I'll take all the blame for this. But I just can't do this anymore. It's never really completely sat right with me and it's time to make it right."

Teddy just looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I can't protect you anymore, Rayna. If you choose to do this, you're on your own."

She hadn't thought he would agree or support her, but she did think she'd seen something in his eyes when she'd asked him to put himself in Deacon's shoes. Just for a moment, she thought he understood. She acknowledged him with her eyes, then turned to walk out the door.

* * *

Rayna felt a little like she had after Teddy had left her hotel room that night in Chicago, when he'd told her he wanted a divorce. It had been incredibly overwhelming to think about and this was too. She'd kept a man and his daughter apart for thirteen years. Even though they'd had a relationship, it was built on a lie. She knew that if she couldn't tell Deacon and Maddie the truth, she could never continue in this relationship with Deacon. One thing she knew for sure was that she needed to control this. If she wasn't the one to tell him, she was certain that the fallout would be exponentially worse.

She'd watched Deacon ever since he'd gotten out of rehab all those years ago. She'd taken him back into her band, let him be her bandleader again, even though she knew it was risky. But she'd also been determined to move forward with her life and live without the pain and the heartache she'd had with him, and so she'd kept him at arm's length. She'd watched him get better every day. She'd watched the girls that tugged at him. She'd watched him walk away with a girl here and a girl there and her heart would break a little and then she'd think about her family and she'd force herself to put him aside.

She blamed that night at the Bluebird, that night he convinced her to sing 'No One Will Ever Love You'. The song that let the genie out of the bottle, once and for all. She hadn't been able to completely put him back in the little box she kept him in. She'd sat on the bed in Tandy's guest room that night she was supposed to be packing to go to St. Lucia and realized that she would never truly be happy if she wasn't with Deacon Claybourne. And that it was worth whatever she had to go through.

She hoped he'd meant it when he'd told her that it didn't matter what she told him, that there had been so much water under their bridge that it didn't matter. She needed that to be true, when she told him that she'd broken his trust, in the worst possible way.

* * *

She'd decided to tell him at his house. When she walked up to the front door, he'd opened it before she'd even had a chance to knock. He smiled at her and reached for her hand to pull her in. "Hey, baby," he said, drawing her into an embrace.

She hesitated only the briefest of an instant and then she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck and leaned into him, kissing him. "Hey, babe," she murmured. He closed the door behind her and started to lead her to the bedroom, when she stopped him. He pulled his lips from hers and frowned, puzzled. She smiled hesitantly. "I need to talk to you," she said. "We need to talk."

He was confused. "Okay. What about?"

She took a deep breath, then took his hand and led him to the couch. She sat facing him, but with her hands in her lap and her eyes down. "Just please don't hate me," she whispered.

He leaned in and put his thumb under her chin, raising her face to look at him. "I couldn't hate you, Ray. No matter what you tell me. Just tell me. It'll be okay."

She'd thought about how she would say this so many times over the last few days. How she could build up to the big reveal, that she could give him all the things that had happened leading up to that night they'd spent at the cabin. But now that she was faced with it, all those words fled out of her head. She swallowed hard. "Maddie's your daughter," she said, in a rush.

He sat and stared at her, scarcely breathing. "What?" he said, finally.

Rayna couldn't repeat the words. She just looked at him and breathed in. He put his fingers to his mouth for a moment, then stood up, taking a few steps as though he were going to the kitchen. Then he turned and looked at her, his hands on his hips. "Tell me how that's even possible," he said, his voice quiet, although she could hear the pain in it. "You want to start with that?"

She stood and walked over to stand in front of him, clasping her hands in front of her, swallowing over the lump in her throat. "The fact that you don't remember is exactly how it's possible," she said. He just stared at her. She saw shock and pain and devastation in his eyes. "You were drinking then. You tried to act like you weren't, but you were. It was after I'd moved out, so I didn't know…."

He waved his hand in front of her. "So, when _did_ you know?"

"Teddy and I had a paternity test done after Maddie was born."

He made a strangled noise in his throat. "Teddy? Teddy knew this? And the two of you decided not to tell me?" His voice had gotten louder.

She could feel tears prick her eyes. "Think about how things were back then. You were in rehab. For the fifth time."

He widened his eyes. "Yeah, Rayna. And I got sober." He swallowed. "I got sober."

She could feel a tear streak down her cheek. "I know. But it was your fifth time in rehab and I didn't know it would be the one that took." She wrung her hands. "I had to do what was best for Maddie. And that seemed like what would be best for her."

He put his hands on his face and rubbed hard. He was breathing heavily and he started to shake. "How could you not have told me? Ever?"

The tears were streaming down her face by then and she couldn't stop them. "I'm telling you now," she whispered.

He looked at her incredulously. "She's thirteen, Rayna," he said, his voice brittle. "You been lying to me for thirteen _years_!"

He started to walk past her, but she grabbed his arm. He turned his head and stared at her. "Please, just listen to me. Don't walk out. I need you to listen to me." She could feel the tension in his arm and she was scared that he'd do what he always did, when things got tough. She was terrified that he'd go out and get drunk, and she didn't want that to happen. "Please, Deacon," she begged.

He looked away from her and breathed in and out, slowly. Finally he pulled his arm away and returned to the couch, sitting stiffly. She breathed a tiny sigh of relief, though knowing it could be temporary. He looked like he was still ready to bolt. She sat down as well and reached for his hand. He tried to pull away but she held him tight with both hands. She looked into his eyes, filled with an unimaginable pain. He breathed in. "I'm listening," he said tersely.


	5. Chapter 5

Rayna took a deep breath. She felt so much turmoil inside that she wasn't quite sure what to say next. She could see that Deacon was losing patience. "I'm so sorry, Deacon," she whispered finally. "I thought I was doing the right thing for Maddie."

Deacon pulled his hand away from hers. "So you've said." His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he reached up to brush them away. "I need you to explain to me why me not knowing about her was the right thing for Maddie." His voice was rough with emotion.

"You were still drinking then, Deacon. You had blackouts. You couldn't stay in rehab. You'd left the place in North Carolina without finishing the program. You broke every stick of furniture in my apartment." She felt like she was babbling. This wasn't going the way she'd planned it out in her head.

He glared at her. "And you never thought that if you told me, we could have figured it out? Together? Was it that hard for you to tell me?" He shook his head. "Or did Teddy convince you not to?"

She put her hand over her mouth. She felt like she couldn't breathe for a moment. "I wanted to tell you. I went to tell you. But…."

He put his hands on his thighs and breathed out. "You came to tell me but then you decided you'd lie to me instead?"

She reached out for him, but he stood up and moved away from her. She stood and faced him. "You weren't at home and I found you…I found you at the cabin." An involuntary sob escaped and she looked away, trying to get herself under control. "You were drunk. You were out of control. Breaking things, drinking straight from a bottle. I meant to tell you. I wanted to tell you. I just…well, I just couldn't do it then. Not when you were like…that." She threaded her fingers together, twisting them in her anguish. "How could I have brought a baby into that?"

He looked at her in disbelief. "But you didn't even give me a chance, Rayna!" He shook his head. "You knew then, didn't you? That she was mine." He looked at her and she took a deep breath and then nodded. He looked away, rubbing his hand over his face. When he looked back at her, she could see he was devastated. "You came to my house, stood on my porch, told me you'd always loved me, and you were fucking lying to me!" he shouted. "You knew that but you let me think we had a chance to be together! What were you thinking?"

She was crying again, trying and failing to keep the tears from streaming down her face. "I don't know. That's why I'm telling you now. Because I couldn't go on like that. I wanted you to know."

"Rayna, she's _thirteen_! You coulda told me when she was three or five or ten. If this hadn't happened" – he waved his hand between the two of them – "you would never have told me."

She shook her head. "You don't know that."

He took several deep breaths, trying to steady himself. Finally he said, "You know what? I can't do this with you right now. I gotta get out of here. I can't even look at you right now!" He suddenly bolted for the door, storming out on the porch and down the steps almost before she could react.

She hurried after him, but he'd had a good head start. She was on the porch and saw him headed for his truck. "Deacon!" she called out. "Deacon, please!" But he ignored her, slamming the door on his truck, and then tearing off down the street. She slid down the porch column, down onto the top step, sobbing, fear racing through her, wondering where he was headed.

* * *

She'd tried calling him several times but it always went to voice mail. She texted him, pleading with him to call her, to come home. Then she finally called Coleman. "Cole, I really hurt him," she sobbed when he answered the phone. "I need your help."

"Rayna, what's going on?" Coleman asked.

At first she couldn't answer. She took a deep breath and said, finally, "I told him he was Maddie's father. And he didn't take it very well."

Coleman swallowed hard. He'd suspected it, back when Rayna found out she was pregnant, but he'd convinced himself that the timeline didn't add up. Clearly that wasn't the case. "Rayna, let me look for him. I'd like to think that he'd call me first before he did…anything."

"Cole, he won't answer my calls." She choked on a sob. "I just really have a bad feeling about this. If he goes into the cycle again it's gonna destroy him. It'll destroy _us_. You've gotta find him."

"Where are you now?"

"I'm at his house. I came over here to tell him and he…he just left."

"Rayna, I want you to go home. I'm gonna head over there now and start looking for him. I'll let you know when I find him, okay? I want you to let me handle this."

"I wanna be here…."

"No, Rayna," he interrupted, his voice firm. "I think he's gonna need some time before he's ready to deal with this. So let me handle it and I'll call you." He paused, then softened his voice. "I need you to let me do this. Please, just go home for now."

She nodded. "Okay," she whispered. "Please find him though."

* * *

Deacon was sitting at the bar, a glass of whiskey in front of him. It had been sitting there for nearly forty-five minutes. The ice had melted. The bartender had asked him if he wanted it freshened up and Deacon had barked at him so harshly, he didn't come back. He'd pick the glass up, then put it down. Once he'd even had it at his lips but he put it down. When he'd think about the fact that Rayna had kept this from him for Maddie's whole life, he wasn't sure there was enough whiskey in the world that could drown that out or deaden that pain. But then he'd think of Maddie and he didn't want to disappoint her, and he'd push the glass away. He wanted to prove Rayna wrong, that she should have trusted him back then and given him a chance. He had a daughter to consider now, a daughter that he hoped would want to look up to him. _A daughter._ It was hard to grasp the enormity of that.

"Deacon?" He turned and stared into the face of Avery Barkley, Scarlett's old boyfriend. "Deacon, what are you doing here?" Avery glanced over at the glass, then back at Deacon, looking confused and concerned.

Deacon turned back and stared up at the muted TV. "Ain't none of your business, Barkley," he said tersely.

Avery stood there for a moment, looking at him, then took a seat at the adjacent stool. "I don't think you should be drinking that," he said. He noticed that Deacon's phone, sitting beside him on the bar, periodically buzzed with either calls or texts, but he didn't move to even look at the phone, much less respond.

Deacon let out an irritated sigh and then turned back to Avery. "I told you, it ain't none of your business," he said, his voice clipped.

Avery leaned on the bar with his elbow. "Well, maybe not, but Scarlett is my friend and I don't think she'd appreciate it if I let you drink that."

Deacon glared at him, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "Look, I ain't gonna drink it, so you can go on. You done your good deed for the day."

Avery nodded, then reached over and plucked the glass from in front of Deacon, moving it away. "Look, man, there can't be anything so bad that you gotta do this. You've been sober for a long time. I'd hate to see you screw that up."

Deacon shook his head. "You don't have any idea, Barkley, believe me."

Avery took a deep breath. "You're right, I don't. But I know I've gone through some bad stuff lately and I'm having to pretty much start over from ground zero. So I know disappointment and I know screwing up. But it all can be fixed. I'm sure whatever this is, it can be too."

Deacon rubbed his face with his hands. He leaned on the bar, looking up unseeingly at the muted TV screen. "I found out today that I got a daughter. A daughter I never knew I had. She's thirteen and that's how long I didn't know she was mine." His voice sounded weary.

Avery swallowed hard. He hadn't really expected Deacon to tell him what was going on and he sure hadn't expected that. "Wow, man, that's a tough one. But you know now, right? And you can get to know her and be a dad, right?"

Deacon turned to Avery and just looked at him. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, but now that he had, it didn't seem quite as overwhelming. He took a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess. I just gotta deal with all the rest of it."

Avery nodded. "Well, I'm guessing there's a reason, right? Maybe just listen first. Sometimes things aren't exactly what we think in the beginning." He rubbed a hand over his mouth. "If I'd stopped and thought through stuff, maybe I wouldn't have screwed things up with Scarlett."

Deacon sat up. "You know, you're smarter than I gave you credit for, Avery."

Avery gave him a lopsided smile. "Thanks. I guess."

Deacon stood up and picked up his phone. He glanced at it and then put it in his pocket. He turned to Avery and put a hand on his shoulder. "You did do your good deed for the day. Thanks." Then he walked out the door.

* * *

Rayna didn't leave Deacon's immediately. She sat on the front step, hoping he would come home. Maybe he'd just had to get out of the house and he was driving around. But this was what he'd always done when things got tough – he'd walk away. Usually to a bar. He had a long history of not being able to deal with the hard situations in life. She felt that a lot of that was because of how he'd grown up, with parents he couldn't depend on and a sister who'd lost her grip on reality. He'd lived his life hiding from the pain and torment that became his world and, even when he'd escaped it, that was still his first response to anything difficult. Just walk away, ignore, pretend it wasn't happening. And that's what she was afraid he was doing now. Ignoring the situation and burying it in something far darker.

He'd come so far, though. He'd been sober over thirteen years. She knew he'd managed to get through tough situations without drinking. He'd lived with the fact that she had been married to Teddy for all that time. But she also knew this time was different.

The tears started to roll down her cheeks again. As much as she wanted to wait for him, she knew, right now, she needed to do as Cole requested. She forced herself to get up from the step. She went in the house and got her purse and then headed back out to her car. She prayed that she heard from Cole soon.

* * *

Deacon got in his truck and sat back against the seat, his eyes closed. It had scared him a little, that his first instinct when he left Rayna was to head for a bar. It had been a long time since that had been his first response to anything. It had taken a lot of years, but slowly he'd learned how not to let his demons get the best of him. He'd actually been proud of the fact that he'd figured out how to make sobriety work, after so many years of not being able to escape that particular brand of quicksand.

But one of the things they always stressed in meetings, and that Coleman had repeatedly impressed on him, was that an alcoholic was always one bad day from falling off the wagon. One disappointment, one heartache, and it could all be over in an instant. As easy as it had been for a long time to stay sober, this reminded him that he could get complacent and that it truly wasn't as easy as he believed.

Coleman had warned him, when he and Rayna had first gotten back together, that he was just trading one addiction for another, but he'd been so sure that was not true. Now he wasn't so sure at all. Maybe Cole was right, and Rayna was just an addiction to him, that maybe she was the reason he couldn't get better all those years. But he dismissed that again, because hadn't he stayed the course for all these weeks they were together? Hadn't he continued to feel strong and in control? Hadn't he just succeeded in pushing away that glass of whiskey? Maybe, technically, Avery had taken it, but he wasn't going to drink it. He'd known that almost from the moment the bartender set it in front of him. It was as though he was testing himself, in the face of the worst pain he'd ever felt, to see if he was strong enough. Only this was still kicking his ass and he didn't want to give in to it.

He opened his eyes and reached for his phone. He breathed in and out slowly and then hit call. When Cole answered, at first he couldn't speak.

"Deacon? Deacon? Where are you?" came Cole's worried voice.

He swallowed hard and breathed in deeply. "On my way home," he choked out.

"Have you…."

Deacon cut him off. "No. I haven't been drinking." He paused. "I'm on my way home."

"I'll be there."

"Thanks, Cole." He hung up and then turned the key in the ignition.

* * *

Rayna walked into Tandy's condo. It was Teddy's week with the girls and she was back at her sister's. It was quiet when she walked in. The light was dimming outside, but she didn't turn on any lights. She was barely conscious of her surroundings as she wheeled her suitcase back to the guest bedroom. She went and sat in the loveseat that was framed by the bay window that looked out over the courtyard. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She could feel the tears start to course down her cheeks and took a deep breath, trying to get herself centered.

She was very afraid she and Deacon would not be able to repair this damage. It had been a no-win situation. She knew, without a doubt, that there was no way she could give him up, no way she _wanted_ to give him up. But she also knew that to have this relationship had meant she needed to come clean. She knew she'd done the only thing she could have done. But it was tearing her apart.

It was nearly dark outside and Tandy still wasn't home, when her phone rang. She jumped off the loveseat and ran for her purse. She reached in and grabbed her phone and breathed a sigh of relief to see Cole's name. She hoped he was calling with good news.

"Hey, Cole!" she cried breathlessly.

"Rayna, he's home." He paused. "And he's sober."

She closed her eyes. "Oh, thank God. Is he, is he okay?"

"He's pretty wrecked right now. I'm going to stay with him for a little while, but I think he'll be okay."

"I want to see him, Cole," she pleaded.

"I don't think he's ready for that now. Look, Rayna, you need to give him some time to process this. And to figure out what to do next. You're going to have to let him be in control of what's next. You just can't do that this time."

She ended up crying herself to sleep that night, wondering when she might get the chance to try to explain.

* * *

Deacon sat on his couch, feeling drained. Cole had just left after they'd attended a meeting. He hadn't said a word, just sat and took in the comfort of being with a roomful of people that went through the same challenges he did every day. He'd felt more in control when he left, although he knew he'd need to stay vigilant. When they'd gotten back to his house, Cole had come in and they'd had a long talk about what had happened that day.

" _So she told you?" he asked, his voice flat._

" _Yeah, she did." Cole paused a moment. "I didn't know before, if that's what you're thinking."_

 _He just shrugged. "I don't know what to think anymore. I mean, I still can't wrap my head around why she wouldn't have told me, back then."_

 _Cole had a sad look in his eyes. "Maybe I was partly to blame," he said quietly. Deacon frowned at him. "I guess it must have been around the time she found out she was pregnant. I didn't know that then. But you were a mess and after that we got you into rehab that last time. And I told her she needed to let you go, that you needed to do this on your own."_

 _Deacon shook his head, tears in his eyes. "She didn't know, maybe I could have done it," he said, sadly. "If I'd known, I could have been the man she needed. A father, a husband."_

 _Cole shook his head. "I don't think you could've done it then, Deacon. You had so much darkness in your life then. You know, that's when you would get so drunk, you couldn't remember stuff. Hours, days, just gone. Rayna had spent all those years keeping you alive, Deacon."_

 _Deacon got up and walked over towards the fireplace. "I know that, Cole. But it still don't explain why…."_

" _Deacon, think about it through her eyes," Cole said with a sigh. "Think about all the damage, how destroyed she was, every time you fell. It was hard on her. She was always propping you up and then you'd disappoint her."_

 _Deacon turned to look at him. "But to not tell me about Maddie. I just don't get that. How do you do that?"_

 _Cole shrugged. "Maybe she felt like she was protecting all of you. You'd failed her so many times, Deacon. I hate to say it, but you know that's true." He watched Deacon's shoulders slump. "But don't forget, she did finally tell you. Maybe it took too long, but she's the one who told you. You didn't hear it from someone else or find out accidentally." He stood up then and walked over to put a hand on Deacon's shoulder. "I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to do what she did. I know she loves you. Hardest thing she ever did was walk away from you all those years ago. Look, I know you're hurt and you're mad, and I don't blame you. But give her a chance to explain, to tell you what she was thinking and feeling."_

 _Deacon took a deep breath and looked at Cole. "I don't know. I hear you and I know I was a mess back then, but she should have told me."_

 _Cole nodded. "Yeah, she should have. But she told you now. Figure out how to move forward from that."_

He rubbed his face, then sat up and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He wasn't sure what to do next, still wasn't sure how he felt about any of it. In just those few words – _Maddie's your daughter_ – his whole world had turned upside down. The thing that really should have been something joyful, that he and Rayna had a daughter together, felt nothing like that.

Just then, his front door opened and he looked up, his heart beating wildly. When he saw that it was Scarlett, he swallowed hard, realizing that in that second before he saw his niece's face, he'd been hoping it was Rayna.

* * *

Rayna woke up suddenly, a little disoriented as to where she was. Her phone was buzzing and she reached over quickly to pick it up. She couldn't help but feel disappointed to see that it was just a text from Tandy, letting her know that she wasn't coming home that night and that she'd have the condo to herself. Tears came to her eyes as she realized Tandy was staying the night with Bucky. It reminded her of Deacon's comment about particularly enjoying the weeks that Teddy stayed with the girls, since she'd be free to spend the time with him. Except that wasn't happening right now and Rayna wasn't sure when, or if, it would happen again.

She took a deep breath, trying to will away the tears, and laid back down on the pillow, knowing she was in for a long night.

* * *

Scarlett was in the kitchen the next morning, cooking at his stove. Deacon frowned. "What are you doing?"

She glanced at him over her shoulder and then went back to what she was doing. "Cooking eggs. Want some?"

He walked over to the kitchen island and stood watching her. "I know that. I mean, what are you doing _here_?"

She took the frying pan off the heat and turned off the burner. Then she looked at him. "I needed someplace to stay last night. Gunnar and I broke up."

"Why?"

She shrugged, pushing him out of the way so she could retrieve plates from the cabinet. "For one thing, he's a jackass, and I've pretty much had enough of those. Plus he and Will got in a fight and ended up in jail the night I was at the Opry. So I'm just done with him."

He frowned again. "But that was your place, I thought."

She shook her head. "Not really. It was Avery's and mine, and then when he left it sort of was mine by default. But I had someplace else I could go, and Gunnar didn't, so it's his now."

"I'm not so sure it works that way, Scarlett…."

She waved him off and then started putting eggs on plates. "That old fool don't care who lives there, long as that person pays the rent. Gunnar's got money, he can pay." She walked over and set down the plates at the kitchen table and gestured for him to sit down. He hesitated for a moment, then walked over and sat down. She went and got forks and, handing one to him, sat down across from him. She watched him put a bite of food in his mouth, then said, "Avery told me he saw you yesterday."

Deacon choked on the eggs and scowled at Scarlett. "So, along with everything else, he can't keep his damn mouth shut?" he said, after he swallowed.

Scarlett rolled her eyes. "He looks up to you, Deacon."

He shook his head. "I don't know why."

"It don't matter." She looked at him with concern. "But he told me what happened. Is it Rayna's daughter?"

He took another bite of food, barely tasting it. "I don't wanna talk about it," he said, without looking at her.

"You don't have to talk to me. But what are you gonna do about it?"

He sighed and dropped his fork on his plate. "I told you, I don't wanna talk about it." He got up from the table and turned to walk out.

"Talk to Rayna!" she called out as he left the room.

When she heard the front door slam, she got a pit in the bottom of her stomach. She rushed out after him and felt relieved to see him sitting on the top step. She hesitated just a moment and then she sat down next to him. She threaded her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder. She could feel the tension in his arm. He glanced over at her, then looked back out towards the street. "You scared me," she said, her voice quiet.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." He seemed to relax slightly.

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

She looked up at him. "But I have to be, Deacon." She sighed. "I don't have no one else to count on but you." He turned to look at her, his eyes filled with sadness. "I can't count on Mama, you know that. I need to know you'll be there." She leaned her head back on his shoulder. "I remember what you were like when you came home after JD died."

He looked at her sharply. "How could you? You were just a little kid then."

"A little kid that lived in a house of horrors. I had to stay alert, always." She breathed out. "You were in a bad place for a lot of years, Deacon, you know that. And I can't put myself in Rayna's shoes right now, but maybe you should think about what it was like back then."

He rubbed his hand over his mouth. "She had a lot of time when she coulda told me, Scarlett. I been sober for a long time."

She sat there for several minutes before she spoke again. "I know you're hurt. I just think you should try to talk to her. Think about that little girl. Your daughter. You know. Instead of thinking about yourself." He tensed up again and she got up and walked back into the house.

* * *

Tandy opened the door carefully. The room was dark and she could barely make out Rayna in the bed. "Sweetheart?" she called out quietly. Nothing. She walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Rayna's eyes were open, she could tell. She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. Rayna closed her eyes, groaned and rolled over.

"Leave me alone, Tandy," she said, her voice gravelly.

Tandy put her hand on Rayna's arm. "Babe, you need to get up." She was worried about her sister. She hadn't left the condo since she'd been there, hadn't done much more than sit on the couch, when she wasn't in bed.

"I don't want to."

"Rayna. Please. It's been almost a week. You can't stay like this forever." Rayna said nothing and didn't turn back to look at her sister. Tandy sat there for a while, then finally got up and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Rayna lay there, the tears slowly rolling down her face and into the pillow. She had hoped she'd hear from Deacon by now, but there hadn't been a word. They needed to talk, if only so she could explain. Even if he still wanted nothing to do with her, they had a daughter they needed to talk about.

She replayed the conversation at his house in her head for what felt like the thousandth time. She knew she'd made a mess of it, hadn't said any of the things she'd wanted to. She felt like she'd made a bad situation worse. She heard her phone buzz, but she was sure it was Bucky, wanting to know when she'd be back in rehearsal. She and Juliette were headed back out after the holidays. Or maybe it was Maddie or Daphne. But she didn't want to talk to them right now. The last time she'd talked to them they'd asked her about her date and when she and Deacon were going out again, and it had been all she could do not to burst into tears.

Finally she reached for the phone and looked at it. Her heart started to beat wildly. It was a text from Deacon.

 _I want to talk._


	6. Chapter 6

Rayna just stared at the phone, struggling to breathe. She tried to calm her jangled nerves, knowing that it didn't necessarily mean everything was okay. He could still be just as angry as he'd been the day she told him, or even angrier. She sat up on the side of the bed and responded. _When?_

A minute went by. _Ten okay?_

Tears were sliding down her cheeks. _I'll be there._ She knew exactly where he meant for them to meet. At least that hadn't changed. The way they knew what the other one was thinking, how in sync they were. She looked at the clock beside the bed. It was a little after eight. She got up and ran for the shower.

* * *

As she drove to the little park along the river, she thought back over the last thirteen years. He'd asked her why she hadn't told him about Maddie before and she realized she didn't have a good answer for that. It had just been comfortable. Teddy had adored Maddie from the day she was born and they'd been thick as thieves as Maddie grew up. Even after Daphne was born, there had been a special bond between Teddy and Maddie, one she'd been hesitant to break. But as she thought back over that time, she knew that it had been unfair to Deacon, keeping him away from his daughter, pretending she belonged to someone else.

She felt heartsick for everyone. She knew this was painful for Teddy and, as much as she'd known this was the right thing to do, she'd felt her own pain at having to tell him. She hadn't even begun to think about how this would affect Maddie. That would come, but later.

She wasn't sure she had good answers for Deacon, for the questions he'd asked and the questions he was sure to ask now. The one thing she'd always known, from the day she'd met him, was that he loved her. But this was huge. She'd broken his trust, lied to him about the most important thing in both of their lives together. He might never forgive her, might be lost to her forever. She choked on a sob. Tears clouded her vision as she drove.

When she finally arrived, Deacon's truck was already there. She sat in her car for a minute, wiping the tears away, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She turned down the visor and opened the mirror. She ran a finger under each eye and wiped along the outside edges. She felt sick to her stomach. She sighed deeply and then she opened the door and got out.

He was hunched over on the picnic table as she approached, turning to look at her at the last moment. He looked haunted, almost, sadness rimming his eyes. She didn't see anger, but the resignation she saw in him didn't encourage her. "Hey," he said. She couldn't judge his tone.

She gave him a weak smile. "Hey." She climbed up on the table and sat down, beside him but not touching. "I was glad to hear from you."

He nodded and then looked out over the river. "I thought we should talk."

She started to say something, but decided that maybe she should wait and let him say what he needed to say. She just nodded, as he turned to look at her.

He worked his lip and then sighed. "You shoulda told me, Ray," he said quietly. She looked at him for a moment, then down at her hands in her lap. "You know, I get that I was a mess back then, when you found out you were pregnant, but, you know, I got better. And I have been for a good long time. Why not tell me when she was a little older?"

She looked at him. "You were always part of her life, growing up."

He shook his head in exasperation. "It wasn't the same. You know that. Yeah, I was there, but I didn't get to do the things I should have done. I didn't get to help her learn to ride a bike, or be there for her first day of school, or tuck her in at night. All those things she did with someone else."

She looked back down at her hands, then out towards the horizon. "I don't know, Deacon," she said, then turned to look at him. "When would have been the right time to blow up her life? You know, that's what _I_ struggle with. I wanted us to do it together, but, you know, our life had been just so damn hard. I guess I could have told you somewhere along the way, but I couldn't stop remembering all the times I thought you were okay and then you'd disappoint me again. I just couldn't have you do that to her."

He turned away. "You know, I never thought you could hurt me the way you did when you told me she was mine. I trusted you, Rayna. No matter what happened between us, and all those years you were married to Teddy, I trusted you. God help me, I loved you anyway, even when I didn't think there was any hope for us, but I always trusted you. And now?" He shook his head. "I don't know what to feel right now."

She swallowed over the lump in her throat. "I never meant to hurt you," she said, her voice quivering.

He turned towards her. "But you did."

She could feel the tears streaking down her face. "I know I did. And I will regret that for the rest of my life." She took a deep, shaky breath. "I should have done things differently. I know that. And I know you might never forgive me for this. And if that's the case, I'll just have to live with _that_ for the rest of my life." She wiped at the tears on her face. "But I need you to know that everything I did, I did for our daughter. I loved her so much and all I wanted to do was protect her from hurt and pain and disappointment. But you know what? I couldn't do that. She still felt all those things, because kids just do. And now _I'm_ going to hurt her and that was something I never wanted to do." She breathed in again and rubbed a hand across her cheek. "And I hurt you too. I hurt the two people I love the most in the world and I just don't know what to do about that."

He looked away again, rolling his shoulders forward. She could see the tension in his face, see the pain and hurt in his body posture. When she'd looked into his eyes she'd seen disappointment and confusion and raw emotion, like she'd never seen before. She had never really thought about the consequences of her decisions and, even though she'd always believed she'd done the best she could for Maddie, she realized that she hadn't thought about what was best for him.

He sighed deeply, still not looking at her. "I need to understand what happened then," he said quietly. "What made you do what you did. I don't know if I can move on from it if I don't know that. You know?"

She slid her hands between her knees, rubbing them back and forth. "I know," she said. She took a deep breath. "Well, you know, I was dating Teddy then. After we broke up. I mean, I couldn't do it anymore, Deacon, you know that." Her voice was gentle, not accusing. She didn't think anything would be gained from getting angry. "But…I loved you. I always loved you. You know that too. It was so hard back then. I don't know if you really understood how painful all that was. There were so many times when I didn't know if you were dead or alive. I wouldn't be able to find you, sometimes for days, and then you'd turn up in a jail cell or a hospital room. I wanted to hate you for all that, for all the times you put me in a horrible position, but I just couldn't." She stopped and wiped away the trickle of tears. "You were in my blood, _are_ in my blood. I just couldn't imagine my life without you in it, but I couldn't keep doing what we were doing. I wanted you to get better, but it wasn't happening. And then Coleman told me he thought maybe I needed to really let you go, that you couldn't get better if I was still there."

"I know all that, Rayna," he said, his voice flat. "I get it. I need to know why you chose not to tell me."

She ran her tongue over her top lip and took a deep breath. "I was scared. I told you, I came out to the cabin and I was gonna tell you. But you were out of control and I was scared. I didn't leave there thinking I wasn't going to tell you, but, you know, it was so upsetting. Teddy could see how upset I was and he asked me about it and finally I told him. And he was really hurt, but he offered to help. And, I guess, I just wanted to give my baby a normal life. I didn't want to have to worry about what would happen and be afraid all the time." She paused. "You know, it really wasn't that I thought you wouldn't love her, it was that I hadn't been able to count on you. And I knew you'd probably want to be all the things I needed you to be, but you hadn't been able to do it before and I just couldn't risk it. I didn't have a crystal ball that would have told me what would happen."

He finally turned to look at her, his eyes red rimmed and filled with anguish. "Okay, so let's say I get that part. I got better. I been better for thirteen years. All of her life. Why not tell me later?"

She looked at him and screwed up her face. "I don't know if I have a good answer for that. I guess as time went on it just seemed easier to do that. Maddie was happy and, as I said, it's hard to think about telling your child the man she thought was her father was not. Especially at a young age. How would we have explained that to her? Would she have even understood? And Teddy. Well, Teddy wanted to keep things as they were."

He let out a sharp bark. "Teddy fucking Conrad. He sure didn't care about my feelings, about the fact that he was keeping my daughter from me."

She breathed in. "Truthfully, he did not. But, Deacon, he's been a good father to Maddie."

He shook his head. "Unfortunately, that don't make me feel any better."

"I suppose not."

He sighed. "You know, I always thought, back when we were together, we'd get married some day and have our own kids. That family neither one of us really had. When you broke up with me, I thought that was over. I never wanted anyone else, Ray, never. I figured if I couldn't have you, I'd just be alone. There were a couple times I thought maybe I'd find someone else, but, you know, no one compared to you." He rubbed his face with his hands. "I just missed so much with Maddie, you know? Stuff I can't ever get back."

She bit the inside of her mouth, trying not to cry. "I was wrong, Deacon," she whispered. "I don't know what else to say to you, except I was wrong. And I know it doesn't change anything or make it better. But I can't go back and fix it either." She paused. "You know, this isn't just about us. It's about Maddie. So what do we do now?"

He sat looking out over the river for a long time without saying a word. She could see his jaw clench and unclench and wondered what he was thinking. Finally he breathed out and then turned to look at her. "We gotta tell her," he said.

She nodded. "I know."

"Have you thought about how you want to tell her?"

She shrugged. "A little bit. I'm not sure exactly how to start that conversation though."

He cleared his throat. "I want to be there."

"Of course. I would want you to be there." She hesitated. "Teddy would need to be there too." She could see him tense up. "As much as you don't like it, he's been her father her whole life. Right or wrong, he's a part of this."

He clenched his fists. "You know, that probably pisses me off about as much as you keeping this from me. Knowing you let someone else be her daddy. Even when you knew I was better, you thought it was better that he be her daddy than me." He worked his lip. "I wanna be part of her life. I want to be a dad to her. Maybe I missed everything else, but I can be a dad now."

She tried and failed to keep the tears at bay. She felt utterly defeated right then. "I'm just so sorry for all of it," she said. "I never wanted you to hate me for this."

He looked at her, confusion all over his face. "I don't hate you, Rayna," he said. "I could never hate you. I just need to figure this out. It's a lot to take in." He shook his head at her hopeful look. "I don't know what happens for us. I think we gotta get through this and get Maddie through this before we can think about that."

She wrapped her arms around her waist. "I guess I need to talk to Teddy. I get the girls back tomorrow, so maybe we should do it then." She looked at him. "Unless you think that's too soon."

He shook his head. "I don't think we need to wait. Tomorrow's good."

She nodded. "I'll talk to Teddy and then I'll let you know what time to be at the house."

"Sounds good." He straightened up, then stepped off the table. He looked at her, sadness etched across his face. "I'll see you tomorrow." Then without waiting for her to reply, he turned and headed back up the hill to his truck.

She turned her head to watch him. When his truck pulled away, she turned back and looked out over the river and let the tears slide down her face.

* * *

Rayna sat by the river for a while, thinking about the conversation with Deacon. Even though he'd told her not to be, she was encouraged by the fact that he'd told her they needed to get through this, with the unspoken word being 'together'. She wasn't going to give up on their future, but she would be cautious. This time in their lives was important and she didn't want to mess it up any more than she already had.

She was suddenly aware that the breeze had picked up, making the already cool temperature feel a little chillier. She shivered a bit, then reached in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She opened her contacts and scrolled down. She took a deep breath as her thumb hovered. Then she pressed call and, closing her eyes, put the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Teddy," she said, after he'd answered.

"What's up, Rayna?" Teddy asked. His voice sounded clipped and cool.

She swallowed hard. "I think we need to tell Maddie tomorrow. About Deacon."

She heard his irritated sigh on the other end. "So you're still determined to destroy our daughter's life," he said.

She frowned. "It doesn't have to destroy her life, Teddy. You and I both know this day would have come eventually. It really should have happened long ago, when we knew Deacon was okay."

"Deacon's never going to be okay, Rayna, you know that. He's an alcoholic and he could fall off the wagon at any time."

"But he hasn't, Teddy. He didn't. And he wants Maddie to know and he's right about that."

"So now you're letting him make decisions about _our_ daughter?"

She didn't miss his emphasis on the possessiveness. "She's his daughter too, Teddy." She took a beat. "I know that Daphne has plans after school tomorrow, so I think that's a good day to do this. It's our crossover day anyway, so I think we should both be there when Maddie gets home. To talk to her."

"I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon, Rayna."

She sighed. "Cancel it. Or reschedule it. This is more important." She waited for him to respond, but when he didn't, she went on. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Oh, and Deacon will be there too." After a moment, when he didn't say anything, she realized he'd hung up. She put her phone back in her pocket and wrapped her arms around her waist, leaning forward a bit. She felt sick to her stomach. She hoped Teddy would not disappoint her, and Maddie. This was just too important.

* * *

When Maddie walked in the house, Rayna and Teddy were sitting at the table. Deacon was standing at the kitchen island. Maddie looked confused. "Hey, Mom, Dad," she said. "What's going on?" She looked at Deacon. "What's Deacon doing here?" She walked over to the table, her face suddenly pale. "Is something wrong?"

Rayna shook her head and tried giving her daughter an encouraging smile. "Nothing's wrong, baby. Sit down," she said, patting the table.

Maddie looked at Rayna, then back at Teddy, but she slowly sat down, putting her book bag on the floor beside her. Her eyes flicked over to Deacon, still confused as to why he was there. "What's going on?" she repeated.

Rayna ran her tongue over her lips and glanced quickly at Teddy. "Well, um, your dad and I need to talk to you about something." She could hear Deacon's quiet huff in the background. She looked back at Maddie. "We need to tell you…actually, _I_ need to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago. But I want to tell you first that we love you very much. We've always loved you and everything we did was because we loved you." She could feel Teddy's tension, emanating off him like a smell. And she could feel Deacon's eyes boring into her, wondering how she would explain this.

"Am I adopted?" Maddie asked, her voice quivering.

"No, honey, of course not," Teddy said, his voice soothing. "You're definitely our daughter." Deacon cleared his throat from across the room and Teddy frowned.

Rayna took a deep breath. "No, you're not adopted. But I need to tell you that, back when I found out I was pregnant with you, there was a lot going on in my life. I'd had a very long relationship with Deacon, as you know" – she glanced back at him quickly – "and had started dating your dad." She nodded towards Teddy. She clasped her hands together in front of her, squeezing them together tightly. She took another deep breath. "When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't a hundred percent sure who your father was." She forced herself to keep looking at Maddie, who suddenly looked like she wanted to cry. "After you were born, I found out that, uh, Deacon was your father, but I was already married to your dad…."

Maddie suddenly stood up. " _Deacon's_ my dad?" she shrieked. She looked at Deacon, a scowl on her face. "Did you know that, all this time?" Deacon shook his head. Maddie looked back at Rayna. "So you lied to me? And you lied to Deacon?"

Rayna and Teddy both stood up. "Sweetie, it's not that simple," Rayna started.

"So was I a mistake?" Maddie cried.

Rayna stepped around the table to Maddie. "Sweetie, no, of course not…."

But Maddie moved away from her, looking furious. Then she turned to look at Teddy. "How could you do that? Marry her when she was having someone else's baby?"

Teddy looked at her pleadingly. "Honey, we didn't know for sure at the time. And I loved your mother and I loved you already."

Maddie turned towards Deacon. "Why didn't you know? Why didn't you do anything?"

Deacon took a deep breath. "There was a lot going on then, Maddie. But if I'd known, I'd have done something. I promise." He gave Rayna and Teddy both a sharp look.

Maddie stood in the middle of the kitchen, tears rolling down her face. "Y'all have ruined my life!" she screamed. "Everything about my life is a lie!" She looked at each one of the adults in the room and then she went running for the stairs.

"Maddie!" Rayna called out and started to follow her. "Maddie, please!" As she passed by Deacon, he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Rayna," he said.

She turned to face him. "What?" she said angrily.

"Let me go," he said. She couldn't read the expression in his eyes. "I'm kind of in the same boat as her. Maybe she'll listen to me."

"You'll just make it worse," Teddy said, and both Deacon and Rayna turned to look at him. "You'll fill her head with all kinds of reasons why you're the hero in this, when you very clearly are not. Are you going to tell her the real reason you didn't know?"

Deacon just glared at Teddy and then turned to follow Maddie up the stairs. Rayna shook her head. "Shut up, Teddy," she said angrily. "Right now, Maddie's not interested in either one of us. We're the ones that decided this for her. I hope she doesn't push us away forever, but this was the right thing to do. And we need to help her. Deacon is right. Maybe she won't shut him out."

Teddy rolled his eyes. "I told you this was a bad idea. And letting him be involved is just going to make it worse. He's going to fill her head with all kinds of ideas and…."

Rayna smiled sarcastically. "And what, Teddy? He's not going to do anything more than we've already done, which is to disappoint her by not telling her the truth a long time ago."

Teddy huffed and then he pointed his finger at her. "When this goes all wrong, don't say I didn't warn you. You're handing our daughter over to an irresponsible drunk, which was what we were trying to avoid in the first place."

Rayna clenched her fists. "He's _not_ irresponsible or a drunk. He's been sober her whole life, Teddy, and he's a very responsible man. I've seen that first hand for all these years. And he _loves_ Maddie. He's _always_ loved Maddie. He'd never do anything to hurt her."

Teddy looked at her for a moment, then shook his head and walked out of the house.

* * *

Deacon knocked lightly on the closed door he thought was Maddie's. "Go away!" he heard her call out, filled with hurt. "I don't want to talk to either of you!"

He hesitated just a second, then said, "Maddie, it's Deacon." He waited for a moment and then raised his hand up to knock again when she opened the door. She looked devastated and his first instinct was to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he thought he should wait. "Can I come in?" he asked.

She nodded and then turned around, walking towards her bed. She threw herself on it and sat with her legs pulled up to her chest and her face turned away. He stood for a moment, one hand on the back of his neck, and he felt his heart break at her hurt. Rayna was right, this wasn't just about them, it was about Maddie. Their daughter. He walked over and sat on the end of her bed. "You wanna talk about it?" he asked gently.

She shrugged and then she looked at him, her mouth quivering as she fought her tears. "I don't know," she said. She breathed in and out, trying to maintain some control. Then she looked at him. "How could this happen? Why did they do this?"

He took a deep breath. "It's kind of complicated, Maddie, I think. I had a lot of problems back then and I think your mama thought she was doing the right thing for you."

She had started to cry then. "But if you're my dad, shouldn't I have known that? Before now?"

He worked his lip. He knew he couldn't put his pain on her. He needed to figure out how to try to comfort her without being bitter or angry. He breathed in. "I guess there's a lot we just don't know yet. Both of us," he said finally. "But can I tell you something?"

She wiped her eyes. "What?"

He smiled at her. "I'm proud you're my daughter. Even if I didn't know before, I always loved you. You know that. And now I got even more reason to love you."

She tried to smile back at him, but the tears were still coming. "Thanks," she finally said, her voice shaky.

"I'd like for us to spend time together. If you want to, that is."

She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself. Then she turned back to him. "I _would_ like that," she said. "I'd like it a lot."

* * *

When Deacon walked back downstairs, he noticed that Teddy was gone. Rayna had been sitting at the table and jumped up when he walked in. Her eyes were red and she was wringing her hands. "Is she okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "I think she will be. I mean, she's pretty upset, but that ain't surprising."

"What should we do now?"

"I'm gonna start spending some time with her. She wants to do that and I do too." He raised his eyebrows. "You okay with that?"

She nodded. "Yes, of course. I'm so glad she wants to do that, that both of you do." She breathed in. "Deacon, I'm so sorry…."

He raised his hand and frowned. "I know. I believe you." He took a deep breath. "But I gotta have some time, to get used to all this. And I mean all of it."

She started to say something, but then she just nodded. "Take all the time you need," she said quietly.

* * *

As grateful as Rayna was that Deacon had embraced being a father, she was even more pleased that Maddie was making the adjustment reasonably well. Teddy was not as cooperative as she would have liked and he treated the whole situation as though it were a competition. Most of the time, Maddie either didn't notice or didn't let it bother her, but on the days she did, Rayna could feel the chill thawing between the two of them.

" _I don't want you to turn away from me," she'd told Maddie one day as they sat on the couch together, sharing tea. "I know it's all really complicated and it's new for both of us, but I want to help you. I'll answer your questions and listen when you need me to."_

 _Maddie had smiled a little shyly then. "Would you tell me about when you met him?"_

 _Rayna smiled and then put her arm around her daughter. "I was at an open mic at the Bluebird. He was there and was watching me. He wrote a song about me…."_

"' _A Life That's Good', right?" Maddie interrupted._

 _Rayna smiled. "Yeah, that's right. He said he was inspired to write it just by looking at me. You know, I think I fell in love with him right then and there."_

" _So love at first sight?"_

 _Rayna nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. I fell in love with his smile, with the way he played a guitar and sang, with how he listened to me." She hugged her daughter close. "All the best parts of Deacon are part of you, Maddie. I've always thought so."_

Rayna decided to pull out of the Red Lips/White Lies tour, much to Juliette's chagrin, but she'd felt it was important to be there for Maddie, to help her navigate this new identity. Maddie and Deacon spent several afternoons a week together, working on Maddie's guitar skills and making music together. Rayna loved the opportunities she had to hear them play together, although it would make her feel that deep regret that she'd kept them apart for so long.

The best part of all of it, as far as she was concerned, was that she and Deacon had had the chance to talk to each other, as parents. They always made time to talk, whether she was picking Maddie up or he was dropping her off. Conversations about parenting issues and decisions started to bleed over into just general conversations about their lives and Rayna remained hopeful that one day they'd be able to bridge the divide that had separated them since she'd told Deacon about Maddie.

For now, though, she was glad to see the two of them begin to make a connection as a father and his daughter.

* * *

After Rayna dropped Maddie off at Deacon's, she sat at the kitchen island while he got them root beers. She took a sip, then looked at him with curiosity. "Did you and Mom ever think about getting married? Back when y'all were together, I mean," she asked.

He raised his eyebrows and considered her question. "Yeah, I guess we did. We talked about it, but the timing wasn't ever right." He didn't want to tell her that he doubted Rayna would ever have married him while he was still a drunk, probably the reason she'd made the decisions she had when she'd found out she was pregnant. He'd come to realize that she'd had some good reasons for doing what she'd done and he was beginning to understand how hard it might have been to tell him and Maddie.

"Did you want to marry her?"

He took a deep breath and then he laughed nervously. "You ask some really hard questions, you know that?"

She smiled back at him teasingly. "Maybe. But there's a lot I don't know."

"Yeah, I guess there is." He sighed and then leaned on the counter. "So, yeah, I did want to marry her. Some day. When the timing was right and things were less complicated. But it just never happened."

Maddie looked serious then. "Was it because you were an alcoholic?" Deacon looked away. "I read it online." She paused. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it. I know you've been sober for a long time."

Deacon nodded stiffly, then looked back at her, his eyes filled with sadness. "Yeah, but it took a while to get there. And I made things really hard on your mom then."

Maddie looked down at her hands and then back at him. "Do you think you'll ever get back together with her again?"

Deacon took a deep breath and let out a short laugh. "That _really_ is a hard question, Maddie," he said.

Maddie sighed, then looked at him. "Are you still mad at her?"

He looked at her, his eyes sad and filled with hurt. "Maybe a little. But I do think she did the best she knew how. She was trying to do the best for you and I just can't be mad at her for that. For loving you that much."

She nodded, and then her eyes got a little moist. She swallowed hard. "Do you think you'll feel the same way about me that Dad feels about Daphne?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Hot tears sprang up in his eyes and he reached out and grabbed her hand. "I already do, sweet girl," he said. "I already do."

* * *

Deacon followed Maddie in the back door at Rayna's. Rayna was standing in the kitchen. "Hey, y'all," she said, with a smile. She looked at Maddie. "Did you have a good time?"

Maddie nodded. "Yeah. But I've got a bunch of homework." She waved at Deacon. "Thanks, Deacon, for the lesson."

Deacon smiled at her. "Anytime. I'll see you again Thursday." He and Rayna both watched her run up the stairs. Then he turned back to Rayna. "She really is good, you know?"

Rayna smiled and nodded. "Yeah, she is. It scares me a little. I really want her to wait and she's ready to be an artist now."

He winked at her. "Not unlike someone else I know," he said teasingly.

She grinned. "Well, things are a lot different now than they were when we were starting out," she said. "I'd like for her to at least finish high school, but preferably college."

He nodded, then put his hand on the counter, looking down. He cleared his throat and then looked back at her. "She was asking me today about whether we ever talked about getting married. And then she asked whether I thought we'd ever get back together."

She held her breath, her heart beating hard. "She asks hard questions," she said finally.

He nodded and took a deep breath. "I guess it's been a while since we had that first date," he said. "So I was wondering if maybe you'd want to, uh, do it again?"

 _ **So I hope you enjoyed this little reimagining of the past. I'll post an epilogue in the next day or so, just to wrap things up. Thanks for reading!**_


	7. Chapter 7

**EPILOGUE**

Rayna walked into Maddie's bedroom as she put in her earrings. The girls were both sitting on Maddie's bed practicing one of the songs they would sing tonight, with Maddie on guitar. Rayna stopped just inside the door and leaned against the door jamb, smiling as she listened.

 _So many rules are made to be broken / So many fences I wanna climb / So many doors that I wanna open / No sense in waiting, now is the time_

 _I wanna ride with the windows down / Feeling the wind with my arms stretched out / I've got a feeling / Nothing can stop me now_

 _Oh I could go anywhere from here / I'm having no doubts, I've got no fear / The runway is wide open / And the sky is clear / Oh I could go anywhere / Anywhere from here_

When they stopped, she clapped enthusiastically. "That was beautiful, girls!" she cried. She walked over to the bed and sat down with them. "Are y'all ready?"

"For the Bluebird? Are you kidding?" Maddie said, with a grin. "I can't believe we're making our debut tonight."

Daphne nodded vigorously. "This is so awesome, Mom," she said, hopping off the bed and jumping from foot to foot. "Everyone at school is so jealous!"

"Well, we need to hurry or we're going to be late to your debut," Rayna said, smiling happily at them. The girls ran out in front of her and she followed them down the hall to the kitchen. As she walked in, she said, "I think we're ready, babe."

Deacon turned to smile at her. "I don't know why I ever think we're gonna be on time for anything in this house," he said with a laugh. "You think I'd learn that girls are never on time."

Rayna walked over and put her arm around his waist, leaning in for a kiss. "You knew that about me a long time ago," she said, with a grin.

He put his arm around her shoulders and laughed, then looked over at Maddie and Daphne. "Even when she was the star of the show, she could never be ready on time," he said.

Rayna nudged him playfully with her shoulder. "Okay, no more telling tales out of school." She walked over to the counter and picked up the keys. "I think we should head on so we're not too late."

* * *

They had all been looking forward to the night at the Bluebird. Rayna and Deacon had been busy touring for her new album, plus she'd been working hard to get her label off the ground. But the Bluebird had always been a special place for them and they'd decided it was a safe place to let the girls perform. Ever since Deacon had started teaching her guitar, back when they first started spending time together, Maddie had been pestering them both to let her perform in public. They had put her off for a while, because she was so young, but now that she was fifteen, and with them, they felt like it would be okay.

They had worked out a set list for the evening, including songs for the four of them to sing together and several duets for the two of them. But then they had surprised the girls with the news that they would be able to choose three songs to sing by themselves. They had spent hours choosing and then practicing what they would perform and Deacon and Rayna were both excited to see them so energized.

When they turned the stage over to the girls, they went to stand back by the bar so they had a good view of them. Deacon stood behind Rayna and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned back against him and smiled to herself. "I remember when they did 'Ho, Hey' in New York," Deacon whispered in her ear. "I wasn't a bit surprised at how good they were. Just like their mama."

Rayna smiled. "I think Maddie got your guitar playing gene though," she said. "She sure didn't get mine."

Deacon chuckled softly. "No, she did not." He hugged her close then and sighed quietly. "This was all I ever wanted, Ray. You, me, Maddie and Daphne."

Rayna nodded and looked down at their hands, clasped together at her waist. She wore the simple silver band with the tiny diamonds that he'd given her all those years ago, right before everything blew up. But she'd kept the ring, because she'd loved it, and him, and now it had a permanent place on her finger, next to the elegant but modest diamond Deacon had given her the day they got married. She ran her thumb lightly over the wedding band on his left ring finger, the symbol of the promise they'd made to each other. _This was all I ever wanted too, babe._

A day never went by that she wasn't grateful that they ended up like this. But right now she wanted to focus on the sweet voices of her girls, and so she did.

* * *

Late that night, she was still awake. The evening at the Bluebird had been a success. The girls had been over the moon excited and she'd been so proud of them. It had taken them a while to come down off their high of playing at the Bluebird, but finally they had drifted off to sleep, and then she and Deacon had gone to bed themselves, spending some time talking about how the night had went. Eventually they stopped talking and their lips and fingers and hands found the other's and they spoke to each other in the way they did best.

Deacon was asleep, she could tell, and she just lay there, her head on his shoulder and her hand on his arm, thinking about how they'd gotten here, something she did less often than she used to, but it always helped her stay grateful for what they had.

When he'd asked her to go on another first date, she thought she might be dreaming. But she wasn't. It was real. They went to the Bluebird, on an open mic night, and listened to up and coming talent and shared chicken fingers, along with salsa and chips and a slice of the Bluebird's amazing coconut cake. Then they drove to the Seigenthaler Bridge and strolled across it, holding hands, stopping midway across to stand in each other's arms and look back out across the Cumberland River at the lit up downtown. They made out a little as the wind whipped Rayna's hair around them, and it had felt good and right.

Then he stood behind her and put his arms around her, leaning into her. She turned her head into his shoulder. "This was perfect," she said.

"Mm hm," he murmured into her hair.

It wasn't as though nothing had changed between them, because it certainly had, but that night had been a new beginning, with nothing hidden any longer. They'd promised each other there would never be secrets again, that they'd always be honest with each other, and that they would not speak of this again. It was a wound that was healing over and they'd both agreed it was best to leave it there and just move on.

* * *

The day he asked her to marry him had been just a normal day. There had been nothing to indicate how it would end up. He told her that he hadn't planned it, that it had just happened. He'd just looked at her and known it was time.

They were in Atlanta at rehearsal before her show that night. Rehearsal had not gone smoothly. Her earpieces were not working correctly and she had angrily pulled them out and tossed them on the floor. She'd sniped at everyone, Deacon included, and stalked off the stage.

Deacon walked up behind her. "Having a diva dip?" he asked, a teasing note to his voice.

She turned around and glared at him. "Shut up," she said.

He grinned. "I should know better than to mess with a redhead," he said.

"Shut up," she repeated. Then, as she turned away, he had caught the hint of a smile on her face. She walked off, towards craft services. _Damn, if he doesn't know how to fix me._ As she was waiting for her tea, he walked up and put a hand lightly on the small of her back.

"I'll have what she's having," he said to the craft services worker.

She looked up at him. "You're gonna have tea?" she asked.

He breathed in and then nodded. "I'm gonna have tea," he said. When the worker handed them their cups, he nodded with his head toward the back of the arena. "Let's go sit down." She raised her eyebrows, but she followed him back to her dressing room. After he closed the door behind them, he took the tea out of her hand and set it down.

"Deacon," she protested.

He took her hand and led her over to the couch. He sat and pulled her down with him. He held her hand for a minute, then leaned in and kissed her. Then he smiled at her and said, "You know, they say bad rehearsal, good performance."

She made a face. "I have never heard that," she said.

"Okay, _I_ say that. But it's true. I never seen you have a bad performance, even if you had a bad rehearsal." He ran his thumb over her hand.

She smiled then. "What would I do without you, personally _and_ professionally?"

"Not planning to find out. In fact, how 'bout we make that personal thing more…permanent."

She raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice soft.

"You know. That let's get married thing." He grinned at her.

"Are you asking me to marry you? Right here?"

He shrugged. "Why not? I think it's time, don't you?"

She gasped and felt the tears rush up into her eyes. "Oh, babe," she whispered. She leaned in and kissed him. "I would love to marry you."

He kissed her back and then ran his hand through her hair. "Now that that's settled, let's go back and have a good rehearsal."

She smiled to herself as she thought about how that had turned the whole day around.

* * *

They had decided to have a small wedding. Just the two of them and the girls. They went to Blackberry Farm in east Tennessee for the wedding, opting for a larger reception later, at the home they bought in the Oak Hill neighborhood in Nashville after Deacon proclaimed he couldn't live in the house she lived in with Teddy.

It had been a lovely day, the day they promised themselves to each other, and sharing it with just Maddie and Daphne had been perfect. The party they threw for themselves a few days later, for the rest of their family and friends, had been joyous and filled with love. And now they'd been married a little over a year, but in many ways it felt like they'd been together forever. They'd written a song for their anniversary and had performed it for the first time that night at the Bluebird. She could still hear it in her head.

 _You roll through life like a rolling fire / I bring the rain like a thunderstorm / Yeah, we found peace on the battlefield / It all makes sense in love and war / It all makes sense in love and war  
_

 _You and me, wild as a willow in a hurricane / Strong enough to stand in the stormy weather / We might be crazy enough to make history / 'Cause the world just ain't the same since we got together / And if we don't die young, we might just live forever_

There were still times when Rayna had regrets, especially now that they'd moved on to develop this happy family unit. But Deacon always said, 'Remember what you said. Ain't no way to go back and fix it. We just gotta move forward. I caused you so much pain back in the beginning and I never meant to do that. If I could change it, I would. And I know you didn't meant to cause pain either. So, no regrets.'

But when she thought back to those days just after she'd told him about Maddie, it was hard not to. As much as she'd hated the distance between them, though, it had given everyone a chance to find their place. Daphne had been confused by it all, but eventually had just shrugged it off, as was her way, and embraced the new normal. Teddy had struggled the most, and still did, but he was learning to accept Deacon's place in Maddie's life and understand that he still had a place as well.

What had warmed her heart the most was watching Maddie and Deacon develop their bond and navigate the initial awkwardness. It was hard to imagine now that they'd ever not been father and daughter and she would often find them, heads together, working on a song or just playing guitars together.

Just then Deacon stirred and she looked up into his now open eyes. "You still awake?" he asked, frowning slightly and rubbing her arm with his hand.

She smiled. "Just thinking about what a wonderful night we had."

He smiled back, his face relaxing. "Maddie and Daphne were amazing," he said. "You're gonna have a hard time keeping them out of the limelight."

She laughed. " _We're_ gonna have a hard time."

He laughed with her. Then his face turned serious. "You know, this is all I ever wanted. This life."

She reached up and touched his face. "I know. Me too."

Then he turned on his side and pulled her in, leaning down to kiss her. Eventually the kisses grew more intense and he moved over her. She ran her hands over his back and pulled him closer and then they finally gave in again to their need for each other.

Just before she lost all coherent thought, she heard their voices again in her head.

 _There are Kings and Queens upon their thrones / That have a love like you and me / Kingdoms rise and kingdoms fall / But lovers last eternally / Lovers last eternally  
_

 _You and me, wild as a willow in a hurricane / Strong enough to stand in the stormy weather / We might be crazy enough to make history / 'cause the world just ain't the same since we got together / And if we don't die young, we might just live forever  
_

 _They might sing us in a song / Or write our names up in the sky / Even when it's carved in stone / a love like ours goes on and on / A love like ours goes on and on  
_

 **THE END**

 _ **Now we wait for the start of the new season. I'm hopeful for many happy Deacon and Rayna moments in season 4. Thanks for reading and, most of all, for reviewing. It always makes my day!**_

 _ **The song is "Live Forever" by Little Big Town.  
**_


End file.
